Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
On the bright side
Oh, wait, there isn't a fucking bright side.
I'd keep the pitching staff and wholesale the rest of the team. Is it too late to become a lifelong Red Sox fan? What's the number for Doctor Tattoff?
Seriously, though -- my name is Sherm and I am a Cub fan.
{Hello, Sherm} responds the rest of the audience in this make believe Cubaholics Anonymous support group.
I've been a member of C.A. my whole life. Apparently it is an addiction I cannot break. Let me say this, though, to those of you who share this addiction: I PREFERRED it when we sucked. It was easier to be a lovable loser than just a loser. It's less heart wrenching to be a doormat than an upset. It's simpler to have no expectations than feel this pain.
I could write more, but I just don't want to. I have no real want to be funny or clever. I have no need to be poignant. I'm numb. And I just realized that this team...will NEVER make it any farther than this. Period. I mean THIS team -- these players and coaches -- not the Cubs in general. The Cubs will eventually win it all. And I hope that my great grandkids enjoy it.
So when does the Mark Cuban era begin? I mean era, not error, like that jackass Dick Stockton..
And that wasn't Tony Gwynn. It was Bill Cosby on helium. I was waiting for him to bust out a pudding pop reference any moment.
More next spring.
best to cb
Sherm
I'd keep the pitching staff and wholesale the rest of the team. Is it too late to become a lifelong Red Sox fan? What's the number for Doctor Tattoff?
Seriously, though -- my name is Sherm and I am a Cub fan.
{Hello, Sherm} responds the rest of the audience in this make believe Cubaholics Anonymous support group.
I've been a member of C.A. my whole life. Apparently it is an addiction I cannot break. Let me say this, though, to those of you who share this addiction: I PREFERRED it when we sucked. It was easier to be a lovable loser than just a loser. It's less heart wrenching to be a doormat than an upset. It's simpler to have no expectations than feel this pain.
I could write more, but I just don't want to. I have no real want to be funny or clever. I have no need to be poignant. I'm numb. And I just realized that this team...will NEVER make it any farther than this. Period. I mean THIS team -- these players and coaches -- not the Cubs in general. The Cubs will eventually win it all. And I hope that my great grandkids enjoy it.
So when does the Mark Cuban era begin? I mean era, not error, like that jackass Dick Stockton..
And that wasn't Tony Gwynn. It was Bill Cosby on helium. I was waiting for him to bust out a pudding pop reference any moment.
More next spring.
best to cb
Sherm
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Pathetic
Anemic, pathetic and embarrassing. Rescind the offer to Piniella. Terminate him. Fire Gerald Perry. Get someone in here who can coach hitting in this century.
I wrote it here months ago. Against good pitching we look stupid. Well, we just did it again three games in a row. And that wasn't great pitching -- merely good. Unbelievable. Pathetic.
Fitting that Soriano whiffs to end it on a bad pitch after taking a perfect strike one fastball down the middle.
More tomorrow maybe. Tonight, I'm just fed up with the whole thing.
Like Doc said...there are more important things in our lives than baseball. Still, this hurts. Plus, I called every hotel in Cozumel and he wasn't it any of them. Fucker.
best to cb. She matters. The Cubs don't.
js
I wrote it here months ago. Against good pitching we look stupid. Well, we just did it again three games in a row. And that wasn't great pitching -- merely good. Unbelievable. Pathetic.
Fitting that Soriano whiffs to end it on a bad pitch after taking a perfect strike one fastball down the middle.
More tomorrow maybe. Tonight, I'm just fed up with the whole thing.
Like Doc said...there are more important things in our lives than baseball. Still, this hurts. Plus, I called every hotel in Cozumel and he wasn't it any of them. Fucker.
best to cb. She matters. The Cubs don't.
js
Friday, October 3, 2008
Not so deep thoughts
I have been sitting here considering what words to put into this space this morning, and having a difficult time making that determination.
First -- let's take the "glass half full" position:
1. Theoretically, we have the far stronger number three and four pitchers in this series, and therefore could, and perhaps should, win the next two games regardless of where they are played. That forces a game five, back at home -- and anything can happen. Odds are that Dempster will never be as bad as he was in game one again.
2. Sabathia lost.
Well, that's it for the "half full" position. Wish there was more. But there is not.
Now, let's look at the "glass half empty" or "glass leaking from crack in bottom."
1. Piniella is being outmanaged by Torre. Period. That's not the reason for everything that is happening, but if you are looking at the little things...it's very true.
2. What's the Japanese word for "stinks?" Whatever it is, Fukudome is that. Nice call playing him. Nicer call leaving him in with two on in the ninth. Anyone else see that whiff coming? How do you say "pathetic" in Japanese? How about his Mark DeCarlo-ian throw home in the eighth? Off the mark on eleven hops. How do you say "fuck me" in Japanese?
3. This belongs in the half full side, but whatever. Zambrano actually pitched a good game, all things considered -- and kept it together when it was falling apart.
4. Why play Fukudome? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?????????????
5. If DeRosa isn't healthy enough to play right then he isn't healthy enough to play second. Even Ron Darling knows that, and he's the biggest idiot ever. Of course he could have played right. He's got four of our 5 rbi's. He's running the bases, for Christ sake. Fontenot would have a.) been a better offensive option vs both Dodger pitchers we've seen, and b.) caught the fucking ball and turned the fucking double play and maybe we have a chance to win the fucking game.
6. Errors are as bad as walks. Worse, even. Look it up.
7. Yes, Lee has a couple of hits, but the important at bats? Terrible. For the most part, this team either has no, or a terrible, offensive plan -- and that continues to kill us. I said this a month ago and will repeat it here because it matters -- we are only a good hitting team versus average or below average pitching and we are a poor offensive team versus good pitching. I said then that we'd be in trouble in the playoffs because everyone in the playoffs has good pitching. Quote from Mike Scioscia today when asked about the Angels lack of offense lately -- "to win in the playoffs you must be able to beat good pitching." Damn. Wish we'd have known that. But the bottom line is that we really don't have a single hitter who is really a great hitter. We have a lot of guys who get their hits vs the dregs of the league and are exposed, year after year, when the playoffs roll around. When will we address that? You think Soriano's average is going to go UP in the playoffs? Come on.
7b. More on that. This is the same team, with the same problems and deficiencies that we saw get swept by the Diamondbacks and we were foolish to think otherwise. Same poor offensive plan. Same impatience and sloppy at bats. Same lack of execution. Why did we think we'd be better this year? Harden? He can't hit. Fukudome? He can't hit, either. How do you say "utter and complete failure" in Japanese? Those are really the only two differences between this year and last year. Yes, Dempster is a starter now. Yes, there are a few minor differences...but really? That's it. Why did we think we'd be better this postseason? Because we are stupid. Thank you very much.
8. Party? I'm not having a party until or unless we get into the next round. No fucking way we have an elimination party at my house. Well...maybe a game five party. We'll see.
9. Is Doc in Cozumel yet? No. Seriously. Is he? Not that I'm superstitious or anything, but GET THE FUCK TO COZUMEL ALREADY.
10. Oh, trust me, there's more...but how do you say "fed up" in Japanese?
best to cb
Sherm
First -- let's take the "glass half full" position:
1. Theoretically, we have the far stronger number three and four pitchers in this series, and therefore could, and perhaps should, win the next two games regardless of where they are played. That forces a game five, back at home -- and anything can happen. Odds are that Dempster will never be as bad as he was in game one again.
2. Sabathia lost.
Well, that's it for the "half full" position. Wish there was more. But there is not.
Now, let's look at the "glass half empty" or "glass leaking from crack in bottom."
1. Piniella is being outmanaged by Torre. Period. That's not the reason for everything that is happening, but if you are looking at the little things...it's very true.
2. What's the Japanese word for "stinks?" Whatever it is, Fukudome is that. Nice call playing him. Nicer call leaving him in with two on in the ninth. Anyone else see that whiff coming? How do you say "pathetic" in Japanese? How about his Mark DeCarlo-ian throw home in the eighth? Off the mark on eleven hops. How do you say "fuck me" in Japanese?
3. This belongs in the half full side, but whatever. Zambrano actually pitched a good game, all things considered -- and kept it together when it was falling apart.
4. Why play Fukudome? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?????????????
5. If DeRosa isn't healthy enough to play right then he isn't healthy enough to play second. Even Ron Darling knows that, and he's the biggest idiot ever. Of course he could have played right. He's got four of our 5 rbi's. He's running the bases, for Christ sake. Fontenot would have a.) been a better offensive option vs both Dodger pitchers we've seen, and b.) caught the fucking ball and turned the fucking double play and maybe we have a chance to win the fucking game.
6. Errors are as bad as walks. Worse, even. Look it up.
7. Yes, Lee has a couple of hits, but the important at bats? Terrible. For the most part, this team either has no, or a terrible, offensive plan -- and that continues to kill us. I said this a month ago and will repeat it here because it matters -- we are only a good hitting team versus average or below average pitching and we are a poor offensive team versus good pitching. I said then that we'd be in trouble in the playoffs because everyone in the playoffs has good pitching. Quote from Mike Scioscia today when asked about the Angels lack of offense lately -- "to win in the playoffs you must be able to beat good pitching." Damn. Wish we'd have known that. But the bottom line is that we really don't have a single hitter who is really a great hitter. We have a lot of guys who get their hits vs the dregs of the league and are exposed, year after year, when the playoffs roll around. When will we address that? You think Soriano's average is going to go UP in the playoffs? Come on.
7b. More on that. This is the same team, with the same problems and deficiencies that we saw get swept by the Diamondbacks and we were foolish to think otherwise. Same poor offensive plan. Same impatience and sloppy at bats. Same lack of execution. Why did we think we'd be better this year? Harden? He can't hit. Fukudome? He can't hit, either. How do you say "utter and complete failure" in Japanese? Those are really the only two differences between this year and last year. Yes, Dempster is a starter now. Yes, there are a few minor differences...but really? That's it. Why did we think we'd be better this postseason? Because we are stupid. Thank you very much.
8. Party? I'm not having a party until or unless we get into the next round. No fucking way we have an elimination party at my house. Well...maybe a game five party. We'll see.
9. Is Doc in Cozumel yet? No. Seriously. Is he? Not that I'm superstitious or anything, but GET THE FUCK TO COZUMEL ALREADY.
10. Oh, trust me, there's more...but how do you say "fed up" in Japanese?
best to cb
Sherm
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The One Hundred Year Weight
The One Hundred Year Weight
How much does one hundred years weigh? You probably think that it can’t weigh any more or any less than one year, or five years or even fifty years. You would be very wrong to think that. One hundred years weighs a lot. Just ask the city of Chicago – at least the North Side. Ask Boston how heavy eighty-six years is. Ask the South Side of Chicago how heavy eighty-eight years can be.
Surely, I spelled it wrong; I mixed up my homophones, right? I mean one hundred year wait, right? Wrong on both counts. Definition of wait? To look forward to. Simple enough. Look forward long enough and what happens? You get what you want. Or you die. Weight, on the other hand? Heaviness. A mental burden. Importance. That’s what weight is. That’s what we have here. And we have one hundred years of it.
Could you feel it last night? Even the three stooges from TBS (somebody explain to me why TBS is carrying these games?) could feel it. They mentioned the unmentionable – it wasn’t noisy at Wrigley. It was kind of subdued. Why? How can that be? The Weight, I tell you, it’s The Weight.
We have one hundred years resting on more than just our shoulders – it’s planted firmly on our souls. It’s on the essence of Cubnation: the management, the players, the fans. They can say it doesn’t matter. They can say that they can’t feel yesteryear sitting beside them on the bench…but they don’t mean it. It just isn’t true. Yesterday is there. Yesteryear is there. Right next to every one of us, whispering in our ears every moment of the season and the off season. It’s there, bemoaning every bad call and unlucky break. Oh, that weight. It’s especially heavy now, during the postseason.
This is a team that loves its losers. Why? Because they’re all we’ve got. So we hang onto them for dear life. “If only, if only, if only,” we say, because we need to. Because of the weight.
Let me confess something. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul. I feel the weight. It’s on me like, well, you know what it’s like or you wouldn’t have read this far. I wear the weight. I am the weight. I am guilty of it as I can be. I throw up my arms in disgust and say things like “That’s it! I’m done. I’ll never care about them again. In fact, I’m not even WATCHING tomorrow’s game.”
Of course I do. Watch the game, that is. I’ll die again tomorrow if I have to. Today I will rant, as is my God given right. Tomorrow, I will be resurrected as Cub fans are – year after year after year…as the song goes – and I will root with all my heart and all my soul and all my being.
Enough. I am going to tell you how to beat the weight. Syndicate. That’s right. Here’s the secret. Don’t bear it alone. Go to a support group for Cub fans (there are also called “bars.”) Never give up. Think good thoughts. Do you have lucky underwear? Put them on! If you are picking your nose and Soriano gets a hit – Cubnation expects you to pick your nose every time he comes up. Do not hold back. If we all do the right things at the right time, then maybe, just maybe, we can get out from under the weight that is one hundred years. Dear God, I hope so. But if not, I’ll be there next year with a new pair of lucky underwear.
Sherm
How much does one hundred years weigh? You probably think that it can’t weigh any more or any less than one year, or five years or even fifty years. You would be very wrong to think that. One hundred years weighs a lot. Just ask the city of Chicago – at least the North Side. Ask Boston how heavy eighty-six years is. Ask the South Side of Chicago how heavy eighty-eight years can be.
Surely, I spelled it wrong; I mixed up my homophones, right? I mean one hundred year wait, right? Wrong on both counts. Definition of wait? To look forward to. Simple enough. Look forward long enough and what happens? You get what you want. Or you die. Weight, on the other hand? Heaviness. A mental burden. Importance. That’s what weight is. That’s what we have here. And we have one hundred years of it.
Could you feel it last night? Even the three stooges from TBS (somebody explain to me why TBS is carrying these games?) could feel it. They mentioned the unmentionable – it wasn’t noisy at Wrigley. It was kind of subdued. Why? How can that be? The Weight, I tell you, it’s The Weight.
We have one hundred years resting on more than just our shoulders – it’s planted firmly on our souls. It’s on the essence of Cubnation: the management, the players, the fans. They can say it doesn’t matter. They can say that they can’t feel yesteryear sitting beside them on the bench…but they don’t mean it. It just isn’t true. Yesterday is there. Yesteryear is there. Right next to every one of us, whispering in our ears every moment of the season and the off season. It’s there, bemoaning every bad call and unlucky break. Oh, that weight. It’s especially heavy now, during the postseason.
This is a team that loves its losers. Why? Because they’re all we’ve got. So we hang onto them for dear life. “If only, if only, if only,” we say, because we need to. Because of the weight.
Let me confess something. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul. I feel the weight. It’s on me like, well, you know what it’s like or you wouldn’t have read this far. I wear the weight. I am the weight. I am guilty of it as I can be. I throw up my arms in disgust and say things like “That’s it! I’m done. I’ll never care about them again. In fact, I’m not even WATCHING tomorrow’s game.”
Of course I do. Watch the game, that is. I’ll die again tomorrow if I have to. Today I will rant, as is my God given right. Tomorrow, I will be resurrected as Cub fans are – year after year after year…as the song goes – and I will root with all my heart and all my soul and all my being.
Enough. I am going to tell you how to beat the weight. Syndicate. That’s right. Here’s the secret. Don’t bear it alone. Go to a support group for Cub fans (there are also called “bars.”) Never give up. Think good thoughts. Do you have lucky underwear? Put them on! If you are picking your nose and Soriano gets a hit – Cubnation expects you to pick your nose every time he comes up. Do not hold back. If we all do the right things at the right time, then maybe, just maybe, we can get out from under the weight that is one hundred years. Dear God, I hope so. But if not, I’ll be there next year with a new pair of lucky underwear.
Sherm
The Oracle
I have consulted the oracle, seen into the future and now know the events of the game tonight before they even happen. I will share them with you, even though the oracle has recommended against it. The oracle can be pissy.
The oracle (which is really my ouija board, my lucky New Orleans dice, and my astrological mood ring) has spoken:
Zambrano's line: 8ip. 5 hits. 1 run. 1 walk. 9 k's. 116 pitches.
Howry pitches the ninth because it doesn't matter.
Cubs hit four home runs: Ramirez, Cedeno, Soto and DeRosa.
Final score: 7 to 1.
Long live the oracle.
The oracle (which is really my ouija board, my lucky New Orleans dice, and my astrological mood ring) has spoken:
Zambrano's line: 8ip. 5 hits. 1 run. 1 walk. 9 k's. 116 pitches.
Howry pitches the ninth because it doesn't matter.
Cubs hit four home runs: Ramirez, Cedeno, Soto and DeRosa.
Final score: 7 to 1.
Long live the oracle.
You gotta be kidding me
Stupid. That's the only word I can think of that covers it all. Stupid.
1. Stupid to walk that many hitters in a fairly weak lineup.
2. Stupid to bat Fukudome second.
3. Stupid to bat Soto in the five spot.
4. Stupid to even have Pie on the roster.
Whole lotta stupid going on. Hey, I checked the Japanese translation for Fukudome and found something interesting. "Fuku" means Felix. "Dome" means Pie.
Soriano picks up right where he left off last year in the playoffs -- with a huge 0'fer. Ron Darling (and don't get me started on the announcing team of Moron, Asswipe and Fatz) even said that it's pretty easy to pitch Soriano -- get him to strike one and then don't throw anything in the zone again. He'll chase. Great. Now the secret is out.
Soto shouldn't bat 5 because he is not a mature hitter. His at bat with Ramirez on second and none out proves my point. It's two and o -- and then he takes two fastballs right down the middle. And then swings at a pitch a foot off of the plate. All he needed to do was move the runner over. It was 4 - 2 at the time.
Dempster's refusal to quit overthrowing fastballs hurt -- walking Lowe twice? Furcal, in his first game in months, twice? Come on. He was absolutely pathetic.
I thought we played like a team that didn't have to fight to get into the playoffs.
I think we can and will win tonight, but now it's a tougher road. We have to win 3 of 4 against a Dodger team that is really starting to build confidence. Loney was in the dumps until the slam. He had an awful September and looked bad on the first two pitches of the at bat until Dempster hit his bat right on the sweet spot. Now he'll be sky high.
We need Big Z to make the difference tonight.
Also -- Fontenot should have started v Lowe last night. If DeRosa was okay to play at all, he should have been in right field. Fukudome is a late inning replacement only. Two spot! Ha. Nice 0 for 9 from the top 167 million dollars.
Go Cubs. Win tonight. Ravage -- back to Cozumel, quick!
best to cb
Sherm
1. Stupid to walk that many hitters in a fairly weak lineup.
2. Stupid to bat Fukudome second.
3. Stupid to bat Soto in the five spot.
4. Stupid to even have Pie on the roster.
Whole lotta stupid going on. Hey, I checked the Japanese translation for Fukudome and found something interesting. "Fuku" means Felix. "Dome" means Pie.
Soriano picks up right where he left off last year in the playoffs -- with a huge 0'fer. Ron Darling (and don't get me started on the announcing team of Moron, Asswipe and Fatz) even said that it's pretty easy to pitch Soriano -- get him to strike one and then don't throw anything in the zone again. He'll chase. Great. Now the secret is out.
Soto shouldn't bat 5 because he is not a mature hitter. His at bat with Ramirez on second and none out proves my point. It's two and o -- and then he takes two fastballs right down the middle. And then swings at a pitch a foot off of the plate. All he needed to do was move the runner over. It was 4 - 2 at the time.
Dempster's refusal to quit overthrowing fastballs hurt -- walking Lowe twice? Furcal, in his first game in months, twice? Come on. He was absolutely pathetic.
I thought we played like a team that didn't have to fight to get into the playoffs.
I think we can and will win tonight, but now it's a tougher road. We have to win 3 of 4 against a Dodger team that is really starting to build confidence. Loney was in the dumps until the slam. He had an awful September and looked bad on the first two pitches of the at bat until Dempster hit his bat right on the sweet spot. Now he'll be sky high.
We need Big Z to make the difference tonight.
Also -- Fontenot should have started v Lowe last night. If DeRosa was okay to play at all, he should have been in right field. Fukudome is a late inning replacement only. Two spot! Ha. Nice 0 for 9 from the top 167 million dollars.
Go Cubs. Win tonight. Ravage -- back to Cozumel, quick!
best to cb
Sherm
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