Blogging versus Emailing

Okay, so here we go with that age old question. Well, okay, it isn't exactly age old. It isn't even really old, but that's getting off point. I don't think we need to debate what is old and what is not. I mean, in San Clemente, some jerkoffs are fighting to save a dilapidated building because they think it is "historic" because it is "old." It's like 75 years old. In Europe, I've been in castles that are over 900 years old. They'd scoff at 75 years. Who wouldn't? I do. I scoff all the time. I am a scoffer.

Anyway. Where was I? Blogging versus emailing. Right. Just yesterday I received a request to email rather than blog. This was under the assumption that no one has time to read a blog. Couple months ago, the directive was something like "enough with all the fucking emails! Who has time for all these emails?" So, if I understand this right, I am being asked to write an email, in lieu of a blog, so long as it is not too many emails, correct? This to save valuable time doing all that annoying clicking? Is it the clicking? I realize that responding to the blog takes a little longer than responding to an email. The process, provided one actually types a few comments, could take up to what, 45 seconds longer? If you did that four or five times a week? Fuck, you'd lose almost three and half minutes. Add to that the return visit to the blog to see if someone has commented on your comment, and it literally could become a drain of seven to eight minutes a week. Easy. Ten if you happen to be verbose. Or a Doctor.

So, let's look at ten minutes a week. That could be sex with your wife. Twice. Or yourself, four times. One game of Internet Spades. I bet you spend more than that amount of time staring at the refrigerator before making your choice. (note: the selection doesn't change the longer you look.) Or staring at your shirts deciding which one to wear. Just pick one. They all make you look like you have tits. Buy bigger shirts. But shopping takes a lot more time, so don't get me started.

Sherm's time saving hints:

1. Tape American Idol and just watch the songs later. You don't need to hear all the stupid banter. And the "results shows?" Tape them and just watch the end.

2. Don't watch Law & Order at all. They are all the same. Unless they come out with Law & Order: Criminal Intent in an SUV -- some pedophile runs down Sam Waterson (killing him) in his Escalade. At the same moment, Benson and Stabler are having sex and they find out that they are brother and sister. Yes, Stabler's father was the man who raped Benson's mother. They finish and then kill themselves. Meanwhile, Goren and Eames are also having sex, and Vincent D'Onofrio has a heart attack from getting so fat and he dies and she suffocates under him and no one realizes it for a week. Jerry Orbach returns from the dead to partner up with Richard Belzer, who returns from the show business dead, to solve these mysteries. Thankfully, we get to hear Steven Zirnkilton's monotone opening for the last time. "These are their stories." Doink Doink. Enough already.

3. Don't watch highlights, or read recaps from games you've already watched. What are you, retarded? You've seen it already. You know what happens. It's over. Let it go.

4. Don't watch movie credits to "see who that guy was" -- it doesn't matter. You are going to forget his name again anyway.

5. Eliminate the cuddling after sex. You're done. Get up. Go do something. What do you hope to accomplish just lying there? You got what you wanted. Go.

6. Weekends can be a great source of saved time. Don't bother shaving on weekends. For that matter, on weekends you can skip most of the regular weekday hygiene issues, including tooth brushing. It's not like you will see important people on the weekends. And, a tip -- Orange juice can be a great gargling tool. (Tomato juice is not.)

7. Don't clip your nails. That takes time. Bite them off while driving. Multi-tasking is a time saving skill.

8. In the shower -- don't "repeat." One pass with the shampoo is plenty. You don't have that much hair. On your head. And forget conditioner all together, unless you use a "shampoo and conditioner" combo, which is fine, but still, no repeating. You can still do that "other thing" in the shower if no one is watching, because, hey, it's soap, and who can say no to soap?

9. Exercise. However much exercise you do, cut off a minute a day. It won't make any difference and you have up to seven extra minutes a week. If you don't exercise, the best bet would be for you to stop wasting time thinking that you might start. You won't.


So. Blogging versus emailing. I think there is time to read and respond to blogs. There is also room for emailing shorter thoughts when the blog is harder to access. So, it's a tie. Take it into overtime if you want -- with your comments -- and if we can settle this important debate, let's do it!

Sherm