I've got nothing

As far as I'm concerned, baseball season is over. Fuck it. I don't care who wins between the Yankees and whoever else is in it. I'm busy with work, and baseball seems a waste of my time.

That said, the Twins - Tigers game 163 was perhaps the best baseball game I've ever seen in my life. Period. Too bad the Twins had to go play the Yankees.

Yes, I'm a pissed off Cub fan. I'm cooling my heals and waiting to see what happens in the off season. Or whether it will be another off off season.

I'm hearing Bradley to the Tigers for Jeremy Bonderman. Thoughts on that? I'm all over it. Fuck me, I'd trade him to the Tigers for an old Bill Freehan jersey.

I've been busy being busy, and I try not to post trash...so I hope you understand my "leave of absence." Someday, I'll again have something worthy or witty to post, and when I do, I hope someone is here to read it.

Or not.

Sherm

Spilt Milk

I will not cry over Milkit. Okay, maybe some tears of joy. Good riddance to the ingrate fuck. Glad to see that Hendry had the balls to suspend him. I hope that they have the balls to give him the boot next year, too. I don't want him on the team.

I just saw another pinch hit at bat from Aaron Miles. He couldn't hit his weight at fantasy camp.

I don't think I can make the thing in Arizona. Wish I could, but I don't think it's gonna happen.

more later. maybe. js

Is it fair to compare?

Sometimes it isn't -- but it can be fun. I have decided to stop comparing Adam Dunn's numbers this year with Milton Bradley's. It isn't fair. For one, it's ridiculously lopsided, but also unfair to Milton to compare his numbers with someone who is producing, so I thought to myself...who is doing well? And then Derrek Lee popped to mind. DLee is having a terrific year -- everyone agrees, right? He's been the offensive star of the team. Hitting homers, driving in runs, doing it all. So...

Let's compare Lee to Adam Dunn this year. For fun. Guess what? Dunn's having a better year. As good as Lee has been, and he's been good...Dunn has been better, offensively, in 2009. More homers and rbi's -- but the stat guys will tell us that those are deceiving and flawed data and will point to OBP, SLG, and OPS -- all of which Dunn has better numbers. Lee has the higher average and less K's. Dunn wins every other category, including many more walks (102 to 61.) I know it's meaningless...but fun to imagine those two back to back in the lineup this year. What could have been. Of course, with a good final twenty games or so...Milton could still get to 40 rbi's. Milkit's had a very offensive year, it just hasn't been at the plate.

Here's one for you guys to ponder. Adam Dunn -- and for the record, I'm NOT a big fan of Adam Dunn, or at least I wasn't until last off season when I thought he could/should have become a Cub -- his numbers are not that far off Ryan Howard's. In many ways, these two guys are similar -- yet Howard gets talked about like the second coming and Dunn doesn't get talked about. Howard has a shorter career to go on, but his numbers are better than Dunn's...but not off the board better...slightly better. This year, Dunn has the better numbers. I'm saying that they are similar...that's all.

When this guy said he'd take a one year deal to play in Chicago -- why wouldn't Hendry have jumped on that? Anyone who will take one year is a good bet to put up numbers in this day and age because their next contract depends on it. He's on his way to ANOTHER 40/100 year...as we knew he would. Fuck me.

Here's what I propose for the offseason. May post more on this later on the View...depending on time. Two things we need to do:

1. Trade with the Mets. A big one. We get Jose Reyes and whatever else they throw in. They get Ryan Theriot, Mike Fontenot, Sean Marshall and some arm or two from the minors. I haven't really thought through the details -- whatever we have to do to get Reyes. He's going to be available. The Mets have said that they don't think they can keep both him and Wright, and that Wright is untouchable.

2. Sign Chone Figgins as a free agent and put him at 2b. No competition at the position. He's the guy.

Now we start 2010 with a one - two batting order punch of Reyes and Figgins. That's 100 stolen bases right there. Probably 240 runs scored. Improved D up the middle. It's what we need to get to the next level.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Damn Cubbies

In what could be a modern day version of Damn Yankees, the Cubs new owner should sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a world series win. I've given it a great deal of thought, and I'm okay with it. It's worth it.

More on this later...or not.

Hey, I just used stats to rebut a comment on the view. Watch -- they are going to say that MY stats aren't good stats. They have better stats. I used old unreliables like batting average (gasp. How dare I? I mean, who uses batting average to determine hitting prowess? What's that, you say? Everyone? What's that you say? That's what they use to determine the "Batting champion?" Really? There's no big trophy for BABIP leader?)

Wait for it. Wait for it...

Beating the dead horse

Adam Dunn is hitting .288 with 32 homers and 88 rbis. Since those stats don't mean ANYTHING, how's this? 92 walks, .420 OBP and OPS of 1.003 -- on the worst fucking team in all of baseball.

Meanwhile, Milkit Badly went 0 for 4 tonight to drop his average to fuck. He has 61 walks. He has less rbis than Dunn HAS homers. His unbelievably awesome baseball idol man OBP is .392. His OPS is .787. He has less homers than Ryan Theriot, I think. Or it's close. Either way.

Just sayin'

Sam Fuld made a great catch tonight to rob Manny of what would have been a homer. Didn't matter though, since the mighty Cubbies were shut down. One hit. Wells gives up 2 unearned and takes the loss. I wonder who he fantasizes about being traded to.

I think Soriano should be hitting leadoff. For Peoria.

More later. Or not.

JS

C-Loser

Kevin Gregg is not a closer. When the word is used in reference to him, it means C (see) Loser.

What the fuck is wrong with this team? I mean besides Kevin Gregg, Milkit Badly and a host of horrible baseball...

AAron Miles? Are you kidding me? He shouldn't be in the major leagues, much less starting for the Cubs. He shouldn't even be on the bench. He's the best we can trot out there in Theriot's absence? Good God.

DLee has quietly put together a nice season. Good for him. Worthy of a corner infielder at the plate, and his defense -- albeit a step slower -- is still excellent.

Fukudome is having a decent year. That said, he's paid way too much for decent, and I think he's a below average (at best) centerfielder.

Soriano has been terrible. Only five more years of that, Cub fans.

Bradley, despite what we read elsewhere, has been an enormous failure so far. 31 rbi's. Are you kidding me? That's middle infield production, not corner outfield. Meanwhile, all the OTHER free agents continue to rake. Abreu, Ibanez and the one I never mention...Adam Dunn.

Soto -- sophomore jinx or stupid fat stoner? Either way, he stinks this year.

No complaint about the way Theriot has played. He's hard not to like, and for the most part he produces. They should work with him on cutting down his swing in situations, though, that call for contact. He still tries to yank the ball at times and that's not his strength.

Fontenot? Very disappointing.

Reed Johnson. Is he still on the team?

Jake Fox -- has been very impressive, all things considered -- even his defense, which we were told outright stinks...has been pretty good. I look for both him and Hoffpauir to have excellent "rest of their careers" once traded away.

Why didn't we go get Heath Bell at the deadline? Or Sherill? Does Lou really think this bullpen can get us into the playoffs? I don't. More reason that I say it's time to fire the entire coaching staff on this team.

Kevin Gregg couldn't close at fantasy camp. On Cubs.com it says that maybe he's tipping his pitches. I think they meant he's tipping his pitch. That BP fastball he throws to everybody. Blanks? Who the fuck is Blanks? This guy gives up homers to more no names than anyone I've ever seen.

Fuck.

Ryan Franklin got his 30th save last night for the Cardinals. Ryan Fucking Franklin. This guy was a really shitty starter for the Mariners. Like 5 - 16 shitty. And then StL makes his a closer and he's light out. I wonder. If Franklin were the Cub closer and Gregg the Card closer...would Gregg have 30 saves and Franklin suck? Probably. Because Dave Duncan is the best pitching coach in baseball and Larry Rothschild is a toilet duck.

Fuck.

I had such high hopes for this season and they have so totally fucked it up. First with dismantling what was a pretty good team, and then acquiring a shitbox like Bradley and then Gregg and then just sucking along playing shit baseball. I have to say that this has been one of the least enjoyable baseball seasons I have ever had.

I said it on the View and I say it again. Blow it up. Fuck the contracts. Blow it the fuck up and start over. I'd rather watch a losing team that is rebuilding with good, young talent than watch these guys lose.

More later? I doubt it.

JS

Hats Off

Hats off to our very own BadMojo Man...aka Cap'n Obvious for his stunning victory in the inaugural King of the Castle contest at the View. With a brilliant satire on the acquisition of Milton Bradley. Lampooning at it's finest. If you haven't read it, please do so.

Once again the bullpen gives me a heart palpitation. Fuck. I agree with those who say that Marmol needs a week or two at AAA. Whatever it takes for him to find the strike zone.

I was reading that the Nationals are going to be making some trades...trying to build for the future, and that one thing they seek is a second baseman. I'd give them Fontenot and some pitching for Adam Dunn. Right now. Dunn and some pitching. Whoever. Gone. Throw in some other losers. Oh, and Bradley. He'd do well in Washington DC, with all the other entitled bad attitudes.

I have work to do, but I wanted to congratulate db on the major win. Enjoy the prize. (there is no prize.)

js

Coffee is for Closers

Fuck Gregg. Fuck him. A lot. No coffee for him. Smitty, cut him off.

That may have been the worst weekend of relief pitching for a single individual in history. We could have won all three. Should have won two. Won one. And that was lucky. Easily could have lost them all thanks to our crack bullpen. Maybe "crack smoking" bullpen is more appropriate. Absolute garbage from both Gregg and Marmol.

Even as the team begins to hit a little better -- you can't win if you can't close.

What a frustrating team this is.

Props to Cap'n for a brilliant "King of the Castle" piece on the View.

More later. Or not.

JS

The big trade

Okay. Big deal. We got a couple of lefties for Hart and nobody. I think Grabow helps this year, somewhat, and I think Gorzelanny has a lot of promise. He did win 14 for an exceptionally shitty Pirate team in 07. Plus when he's on the team, it gives us four pitchers with the letter Z in their name -- which might lead the league in that category. Or not. Dave would know.

We also have four players whose last name could also be a first name. That may or may not lead the league. Dave would know. Five if you count Ted Lilly, although I don't know anyone named Lilly with the extra "l".

I wonder if Adam Dunn is available? The Nats are out of it. Probably not.

Nice to see back to back boxcars -- can't remember the last time we scored runs like that. Even Milkit had back to back one rbi games, which for him is a floodgate of run production.

Now that the Red Sox has been forever tainted with steroid scandal, I am shocked. Who would have thought that David Ortiz -- after being released by the Twins -- was juicing when he magically starting hitting 40 bombs a year? Stunned, I am. And I thought it was extra time in the cage. He did it right, though. He gained 140 pounds so you wouldn't notice the extraordinary size of his melon.

I say let them all juice. Let pitchers doctor the ball, too. What the fuck? Why not?

And I propose a newer "winner take all" rule for baseball. You negotiate your contract. Whatever it is. Fine. But then it gets broken down to a "per game" salary. And that is how you are paid. After the game -- just like in the old days. The owner comes in and hands you a check. Unless the team loses, in which case they get nothing. Only the winners get paid. Maybe then we'd see some better baseball. More intense, anyhow.

Whatever. Now I'm just rambling. See what happens when I blog with nothing particular in mind?

Sherm

Yesterday

First of all, I wrote a long fucking rant yesterday and then it didn't post properly or save. So I said, "fuck it" and went back to work. You can't recreate it the way it was the first time. Plus, I didn't want to.

Here's a point I want to make though. In the midst of all the giddiness...yes, the Cubs are back in the hunt. Half a game back. Playing better. Still. Check this out:

> Milkit Badly: hitting .250 with 7 homers and 25 rbi's.

> Mark DeRosa: hitting .263 with 19 homers and 60 rbi's.

> Adam Dunn: hitting .279 with 26 homers and 74 rbi's.

What's that, Dave? Average and homers and rbi's don't tell the story? How's this?

> Milkit Badly: OBP of .385 and OPS of .766

> Mark DeRosa: OBP of .332 and OPS of .807

> Adam Dunn: OBP of .409 and OPS of .969

But we needed to be more left handed. Wait. Dunn is left handed.

Ergo, I can't fucking figure out this last postseason at all. Not at all. Those...the dealing of DeRosa (have you noticed our NONPRODUCTION at 2b this year?) and the non-acquisition of Dunn (in favor of the Badly signing) make absolutely no sense.

I get selling Marquis. I get trading Wuertz and some of the other deals. Not those. Not a bit.

What a different team this would be. I'll say we'd be 6 games up right now with those two all year...even with our injury issues. Maybe more.

Oh, by the way...the Phillies picked up Cliff Lee for nothing. Not that we were in the hunt for a starter, but a Cy Young level lefty might not have hurt.

Oh, by the fucking way...the Giants got Freddie Sanchez for a prospect. (See lack of production from 2b comment earlier if you don't know why this pisses me off.) And Sanchez hits about .600 in Wrigley, doesn't he? Or does it just seem that way?

Where is Jim Hendry in all this? Are his hands that tied by the ownership issue that he can't make any deals? If so, we're fucked. Again. What's next? Halladay to the Cardinals? Ichiro to the Brewers?

Fuck.

More later. Much later. Or not.

JS

All Star Break Rant

Fuck the All Star break. I hate it. I'm glad that every Cub got to rest.

I'm glad that the American League won -- especially if the World Series ends up being the Cubs and the Angels and if it goes seven games -- because then I can see four games in person in AnaAngeles. Or Los Anaheim. Whatever. Maybe I can even get to Wrigley for one. That'd be good. I would not hate that.

I did not watch the game, because I did not give a shit.

Here's a question for you guys. I may have an opportunity to throw out the first pitch at a Pirate Game in August (against the Cardinals) -- one of the companies I work with made a donation and bought a shitload of seats for this game...so we are in the running (with 14 others) to be drawn for this "honor." If drawn, they said they'd let me do it. I'm perhaps the only one who could get the ball to all the way to the catcher. Whatever. I'm 50 now. Maybe not.

Here's the question: If selected -- do I wear a Cub jersey and hat?

Sherm

Tired of Soriano

I am completely tired of this guy's act. I didn't see tonight's game, but I "watched" it on my phone while at the airport -- you know what I mean...pitch by pitch. Here's what I "saw" and it thoroughly pissed me off. Two singles to start the bottom of the second for the Cubs. Soriano fucking whiffs, because that's what he does when it matters. Fontenot flies out. I assume this could have been a sac fly had Sorryass moved the runners over. Hill singles. Should be two runs right there. 2, not one. Oh, by the way...and then we don't lose 2 - 1. Maybe we still lose. But not 2 - 1.

I don't know the repercussions, and I'm too tired to look them up -- but DFA the turd and let Sam Fuld be our everyday left fielder. I don't care about the money. We're throwing it away anyhow.

In fact, jetsam Soriano and Bradley and let Hoffpauir and Fox and Fuld play...a lot. Save a fortune. Here's my thinking -- I would like the Cubs more if they did that. Like is purely subjective, so don't throw any fucking stats at me, but I'd like this team more without Bradley and Soriano on it. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad Cub fan, but that's how I feel. I can't stand either of those guys and it pisses me off as a long time Cub fan to have to suffer them at all...much less suffer through their shitty seasons. There. I said it. I want players on the team that I can like.

And I don't like those two. Not a bit.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

I figured it out

This is a non baseball post...but you may want to read it anyway. Or forward it to Rush Limbaugh. Or Sean Hannity. Because, well, it's genius, and it solves all of our problems. Ready?

I read an article the other day in a money magazine that says that the Federal Gov't is watching what's happening in California like a sideshow. It said what a bad idea that is due to the tremendous amount of manufacturing still done in this state, the tech industries here...blah blah blah. You get the idea. That's when it hit me.

We have this deficit, right? So here's what we do. Sell Northern California to the Chinese. It solves multiple problems. It brings the Chinese manufacturing closer and saves us billions of dollars on ocean freight and duties, thus sparking the economy. It gives jobs to the heavily unemployed population of the state and the illegal population. It balances the budget, especially California's. Imagine the low cost manufacturing right here on this continent.

Negatives? None. The people of Northern California are communists already...so it's a perfect fit. Plus the food is good.

Looking for precedent? Napolean sold Louisiana to pay off debts, didn't he? The Russians sold us Alaska -- same reason. People sell land to pay debt all the time. Governments do, too. Look it up.

So, there you have it. The answer to all our economic problems.

Happy Independence Day to all.

God Bless what's left of America.

Sherm

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to Mark DeCarlo. Don't forget to send him an email and let him know we are all thinking of him on his special day.

Happy Birthday to the 25th anniversary of the Sandberg game -- I wonder if Bruce Sutter sends Ryno a card? Probably not. I loved that game best of all.

Happy Birthday to my Dad --who would have been 86 today. Gone two years now. It seems longer...there is so much he's missed in just two years.

Sherm

It's about damn time

Finally. Gerald Perry is a Cub memory. Von Joshua might turn out to be a good batting coach. I hope so.

I was looking at the box scores this morning, and at a glance I think we are the only team in baseball that doesn't have a .300 hitter anywhere in the lineup. Pretty odd, considering the payroll.

Got to like the Twins. Low payroll. Small market. Always in contention. Why can't we ever have a Joe Mauer on our team? We end up with guys like AAron Miles. I don't get it. And now that ownership is all fucked up...who knows when we'll make the moves that need to be made?

My thinking? I don't believe that this lineup can be "tweaked" into success. I think we need wholesale and dramatic changes to get the offense going. We have a fine starting staff -- one of the best. Hard for them to win if we can't score, however. Time to shake it up. Big time.

Funny -- anyone remember when it was rumored that the Cubs were considering Raul Ibanez? In retrospect, I change my opinion. Can I do that? He's having a decent year for the Phillies (decent = fucking unbelievable.)

We better not lose a game to the White Sox.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

The Milkman Stinketh

Did you see Milkit Badly's line tonight?

O for 6 with TEN runners left on base. TEN. Ten fucking runners left on base. But the statistics say he's good, so I'll just keep it to myself. I bet Albert Pujols hasn't left ten runners on base this season. Holy crap. Ten. On base. Wow.

Nice to see Lilly get some run support. Now we need to do that for Wells so that he can get that elusive first major league win. Speaking of Wells -- doesn't he look a lot like Jeremy Sisto? (From Law & Order.) I think so. Google Sisto. You'll see.

Ten LOB. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

He's gotta be gripping by now. Live wire like that...I bet he's ready to explode. Time for a Milkit Meltdown Pool. It's a lot like Bossie Bingo, but shittier.

Anyhoo...it's 3:31a here in Philadelphia and I have an early meeting, so thanks to the miracle that is delayed air travel, let's see, I should be getting up...um...now. That won't work, so I'll get a couple hours and inject some caffeine when I waken.

Glad Soto got a few hits. Maybe Hank White called and offered some encouragement.

Ten LOB. Wow.

More later? Probably not.

JS

Offense? What offense?

Pathetic. Hard to believe that we took two of the three games this weekend -- thankfully the pitching is still pretty good. With the exception of Carlos Marmol, who is beginning his annual pre-summer meltdown. Fortunately for us, he typically rebounds with a great second half...so we'll wait. Guzman is getting better each time out, and may be the guy out of the pen in whom I have the most confidence. His outing yesterday makes me think that he could close.

Few managers consistently mismanage their bench as does Lou. He'll use everyone available in the 10th inning (practically) and then have nothing left when he needs it. Almost ran out of pitchers. Did run out of hitters and position players. What if we'd gone 18 like they did in Arizona? Thank God we were up against Dusty -- no way to lose a battle of wits with him.

I am impressed with Andres Blanco. Teach him to hit, and he could be a solid 2b. Oh wait, that requires Gerald Perry to actually do something. Never mind. Plus he adds another name to the lineup that ends with the "o" sound.

I'd rather see Doc Ravage at third than Mike Fontenot. Period. Too bad Doc hits righty. Lou wants to be more left handed. Sorry Doc. You coulda been a contenda.

I've been hammering DLee for a few months now, so it's only fair to say this -- his defense yesterday may have saved the game. He made several terrific plays -- most of which went unnoticed; all of which mattered.

Len and Bob missed Theriot's "pause" in the baseline to distract Gonzalez from that ground ball in the 12th -- too bad we couldn't get the run home. It was wholly intentional...and good thinking.

Randy Wells may have a long and productive baseball career and never win a game. It could happen.

Hope you all have a great week.

More later. Or not.

JS

You kidding me?

Braves get Nate McLouth for nobody, nobody and nobody? You fucking kidding me? This kid can hit, field, and run -- bats LEFT HANDED...remember when that was what we needed more than anything in the world? He's what? 24?

I think I'm going to vomit.

Eric Milton Bradley

First of all...Saturday's was a beautiful game. Dempster was back to his 2008 form, timely hitting and a 7 - 0 pasting of Dodger Blew. Bradley even had three hits (none of good swings, but hey, sometimes it takes a few like that to get things going.) Reed Johnson was clutch and even Mike Fontenot had a couple of nice extra base hits -- off a lefty; even though I don't understand why he starts against lefties and he proved why he shouldn't on Sunday night.

Then Sunday it all blows up, and it's 5 - 0 before I really get comfortable on the couch. Did Piniella really tell Marshall BEFORE the start that he was going back to the bullpen after this? What a moron. I think Lou's days of good judgment are over.

More good at bats from Reed Johnson...and no one else could figure out Eric Milton. Umm, everyone? He throws a 74 mph hanging curve -- first pitch -- to everybody. Guys? It's okay to talk amongst yourselves. Even if Gerald Perry never says anything to anyone.

Soto looks just awful at the plate. Either he's injured or last year was a monstrous fluke.

Lee has hit his way back into the .240's and Soriano has missed his way down into the .240's.

I like this Blanco's glove -- he should play 2b everyday until he proves he can't hit. Great range and slick fielder and can spell Theriot at short every now and again, too. We're carrying three first basemen --which is retarded. Time to trade one of them (it won't be Lee) and get something we need in return. Fox and Hoffpauir need to play in the AL, anyway. The problem is that Hendry doesn't appear to have any clue what we need.

A split with the Dodgers? It's okay. Not great, but could have been worse.

I gotta go...more later. Or not.

js

derfwad.com

Jake Fox -- fair and balanced -- goes one for one...this with a seventeen game hit streak in the minors coming in. Nice job, Jake. He's batting a thousand. Is that too small a sample size to call him the greatest hitter who ever lived? Perhaps. He should get the start today against Randy Wolf.

What is up with Juan Pierre? Hitting over .400 since the Manny suspension. I call for a blood test.

When Carlos Zambrano grows up he might be a good baseball player. Until then? He's an ass. Right or wrong...it doesn't help to meltdown like that. If he has to miss a start with a suspension? Even more stupid. Now who's going to pinch hit in key situations? Ted Lilly?

I'm too busy today to comment on derfwad.com -- maybe tomorrow. Or not.

js

Feels like Rain

Another game, another song title. Perhaps my favorite "rain" song -- an old John Hiatt...

Hey, if it takes the rain to get us a win, I'm good with it. It also kept the bullpen in the bullpen and what's left of the bench on the bench...so it worked out all around.

Milkit Badly did not get a hit and his average dropped to .196 but he did walk twice and score a run so now his FY12.ab/h/defcon9 percentage is yellow.

If guys are going to miss a week or more...why not DL them? Give someone from Iowa a chance to see some action. Is Lee injured or just out with the flu? And if it's the flu? He's a pussy. I can say that here. I can say whatever the fuck I want here.

Here's my biggest question for you -- since we are playing with less than our best lineup -- ready? How come the Cardinals are winning and in first place with a minor league team on the field right now? What's the difference? Is it the way they play vs the way we play? Coaching? Pujols in the middle? Just wondering. Their pitching doesn't seem better than ours.

Adam Dunn update. Hit his 15th last night...in another losing cause. And he hasn't once complained about the umpiring.

Get Peavy. Stockpile pitching -- you can't have enough and he's a great starter with a long term deal. Just do it.

I think Piniella is senile. Get rid of GPerry now. And Rothschild. Hire Greg Maddux as a pitching coach. Promote Von Joshua for hitting coach. If Piniella can't make it work with those two...get rid of him, too. Maybe Dave Magadan is ready to take a team...

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Ooh, that smell

Remember that old Lynyrd Skynyrd song? It keeps running through my head as I watch this team bumble it's way back below .500 -- the losing streak is now at 8. But Milkit had two hits and four rbi's -- so it's all good. Too small a sample size to worry, right? Wrong. You should worry and worry hard about this team.

Even our good luck is bad luck -- Pirates closer gets knocked out by a Soto liner...so they have to throw a lefty at Hoffpauir. I'd have liked to have seen him hit off Capps.

I only saw the last two innings -- but it wasn't terribly impressive.

Raker wanted to know if I've been curled up in a fetal position moaning about not having Adam Dunn's bat in the lineup. Well, yes. Of course. Who hasn't? Dunn has 14 dingers and 40 rbis. Oh, yes, and he plays every day. He's not a pussy. He'd look awfully good in the middle of our lineup wouldn't he?

Fire Gerald Perry. Just do it. Promote Von Joshua. Or hire anybody else...this offense needs a change. And if it's not Perry -- made it should be {gasp} Piniella. Maybe he's gone completely barking mad and really doesn't have any idea how to manage a baseball team anymore. Could be. Shake things up -- however you must -- and do it soon.

Oh. One more thing. Fuck Ricketts and the financing he can't seem to get and let Mark Cuban buy the Cubs.

I'm way too pissed to post elsewhere.

js

California is quaking. Pitchers are not.

Bradley, Fontenot, Soto, Miles -- a fearsome foursome that have opposing pitchers quaking in...laughter? Good God. Add Lee to the mix and the Cubs 4 through 9 hitters, counting whoever is pitching, are awful.

Milkit Badly goes 0-fer again and watches his average drop back to .188. Just for grins, what do you think Adam Dunn would be hitting on this team? He's at what? .290 with 11 hrs and 30+ rbi's on the worst team in baseball with no protection.

Fontenot. I saw all I needed in the first inning tonight when he didn't cover third on a steal. And Brenly tried to cover for him and say that "the infield had decided not to go out of position on a steal attempt." Right. Wouldn't want to be covering your base on a steal, Mikey. Just in case of contact. In fact, we should never move on a steal attempt because someone might swing and connect. Brilliant.

Remember Koyie Hill? He used to be hitting really good. Then Soto came back and now he just sits there. Meanwhile Geo languishes.

Aaron Miles. Okay, I give up. Why is he a Cub? Just curious -- why didn't Scales play tonight?

Note to Mojo -- they had the Leiny's on tap so I had a dozen or so. Wisconsin is not so bad if you know where to look.

Where's the King Coffee franchise in Eau Claire? Anyone? Anyone?

That was the weakest Cardinal team we'll ever see. 7 no names and Pujols. And they whipped up on us. Shameful. And the Blackhawks choked in OT. Fuck it. I'm going back to the bar. More later. Or not.

Sherm

Donut for a Day

Okay. You get to be Jim Hendry -- if just for one day (obscure rock and roll reference in there for those of you who care about such things. Name the song and win a prize. Not really.)

So. What do you do with this ragtag bunch we call the Cubs?

I still say to go get Peavy. Why? Because he's signed for four or five more years and that's what we need -- more than one long term frontline guy. No, they cannot have Vitters in the deal. Minor league arms and no more. Take it or leave it. Throw in Mike Fontenot.

What we need is a real second baseman. DeRosa? Maybe, but it won't happen because then Hendry just looks like a complete boob. How about Orlando Hudson? Oh, wait. Could've had him. Didn't want him. Can Adam Dunn play second base? (I can say that kind of thing here because you all know I'm kidding) How about Dan Uggla? If the Marlins continue to fade...he's a good hitter and as long as its not the All Star game, a pretty decent fielder.

Bullpen support? We need a lefty, but who doesn't? The fact that half these bozos even have jobs is amazing. I think we should get Johnny Southsider a tryout -- he'd be far more effective than Cotts and is a much better dancer.

Traffic was stopped in LA for three hours yesterday while a man in a coffee bean outfit wandered around the freeway.

I say go get a closer. Maybe Joe Nathan will be available if the Twinkies fade. Leave Marmol for set up duty for now.

Here's what I hope DOESN'T happen (which means it probably will) -- Milwaukee, due to the Rickie Weeks injury, trades for Mark DeRosa -- who just flat fucking tears it up for them against the Cubs the rest of the year. I hate even typing it because it just seems so fucking possible. Nevermind, okay. Forget you read that. You are getting sleepy. You won't remember anything...

Snap.

Where were we? Oh, yes...

But you get to be the donut. Let's hear what you have to say.

JS

Almost summer

Amazes me that Milkit goes 1 for 5 and his average actually goes UP. We have three guys right how, starters -- four if you include Lee (sans his nice game yesterday) who are hitting like pitchers. Fontenot at .204, Soto at .204, Badly at .196 and Lee. How in the world are we even near the top of the division? Fortunately, we are; and you have to believe that this team, when it gets healthy and when it starts to reach its potential -- will be something else.

You think Lee started thinking of Wally Pip at any point this year? He better get hot or he will lose his position. I hope the 4 for 5 yesterday was the start of a "get hot" and not a fluke, otherwise he just bought himself another three weeks of playing time.

Padres suck -- go get Peavy. Why not? Might as well stockpile good pitching. I'm sure he'd still like to be a Cub and we can give them some minor league arms.

Rich Hill had a nice first outing for Baltimore the other day. Went 6 and got the win. Not that you care.

Ownership issue may never be settled. Ricketts can't get the money together. Time to bring in Mark Cuban who doesn't need to get it together...he HAS it. Unpublicized hold up in the deal is the big coffee concession issue -- King Coffee Bean wants to be the sole coffee source for Wrigley, because who doesn't enjoy a nice hot cup of joe on a smarmy August afternoon at the ballpark. Kids get free samples of espresso.

Have a great week -- I'm on the road again, but will try to check in at least a couple of times. Especially if anything good or bad happens on the field.

js

Progress Report

Since we are now 20% of the way through the season (does that make it a reasonable sample size? I never know) I thought it was a good time to provide a progress report on the Cubs.

Soriano -- I give him a B+. I'd like to see a few more stolen bases, but he's hitting well and playing every day which is berry berry good. He has more assists than Soto has homers. His .331 obp is pretty good for him.

Theriot -- also a B+. .366 obp and 5 homers. Has four errors which keeps him from getting a better grade, but 7 steals is decent.

Fukudome -- have to give the guy an A. He's been good.

DLee, GSoto, MBadly, AAmiles -- all get the YoSuSoFa award. (that means "You Suck So Far.")

Aramis -- would be a good grade if he could play; at least he shouldn't be tired come September this year.

Hoffpauir -- B-; which isn't so bad. With more playing time and some adjustments, he'll hit.

Reed Johnson -- C-

Fontenot -- C-; why did he disappear when the season started? Needs to cut down on that swing and quit trying to jack everything out of the park. Who does he think he is? Ryan Theriot?

Dempster -- C -- was he worth $48M? Would you have rather had Derrek Lowe for the same $

Zambrano -- B -- looks okay so far; hopefully can pitch the rest of the way

Lilly -- B+ -- finds a way to win.

Harden -- B+ -- Stay healthy, Rich.

Marshall -- C -- needs to step it up to stay in the rotation.

Patton, Cotts -- YoSuSoFa

Marmol -- up and down. I give him a C for inconsistancy

Gregg -- B- at least he's 6 for 7 in saves.

Guzman -- B- -- looking better every time out

Heilman -- I'd have given him a B two weeks ago, but now it's a C (partially due to overuse.)

King Coffee Bean -- D+ for pushing caffeine to children

That's the progress report as I see it. We can be much better, which is good news considering we're still near the top of our division. When we start to click, it should be all good.

Need to sweep the Padres today!

JS

Sherm has a blog

Outstanding -- thank you for the wake up call. Yes, I have been absent. No, I don't have a good excuse for it. Except that I've been busy, but what kind of an excuse is that? I am starting up a new business, but that is not a good enough reason to have abandoned you. I am only up twenty hours a day -- easily I could sneak a good blog in now and again somewhere in the other four. I will try to do better. I promise.

I have not seen much baseball this year, unfortunately. I can tell from the box scores and what I read that we kind of suck right now; especially the bullpen. I can tell you this -- Aaron Heilman will turn into Bobby Howry if you pitch him every single day. Lou and Larry fall in love with one guy and use him to death.

I did see the loss to Milwaukee -- 3-2, game one. I think the offense lost that game more than Heilman did. Bases loaded. One out. Following an IBB, Theriot swings at a bad pitch and cues one. Umm, Ryan? It's okay to take a pitch every now and again even though you are suddenly more powerful than DLee.

Note: Adam Dunn is hitting .311 with 11 homers and a lot of rbi's. On a shitty team. Real shitty.

Milkit Badly has been on a tear of late and has raised his average up to .175 -- impressive.

Jason Marquis is actually off to a very good start in Colorado. What did we get for him again? Oh, that's right...nothing. Mark DeRosa is starting to adjust to the AL and hit the ball. What did we get for him again? Oh, yeah. Once again, nothing.

I'll try to be more attentive -- now that the season is in full swing. Really.

More later. Or not.

js

Coffee, Tea or Smitty?

I am still wandering around out here -- don't give up on me. I've just been slammed lately, what with the new business and travel and all...

I try not to post unless I have something to say -- and lately, well, I'm using up all my creativity elsewhere apparently.

I am interested in Smitty's business. He has legally changed his name to Juan Valdez Smith. In fact, I understand that his coffee is infused with absynthe. If you find a brunette tramp and wish that she was fairer of hair? Give her some of the coffee, because you know what they say -- absynthe makes the tart grow blonder. Smitty's coffee does not really contain absynthe to the best of my knowledge.

Cubs won the series against a pretty decent Marlin team --- at least they've been decent so far. Lilly was excellent today. We need more games like this one. Easy on the bullpen. Early lead and slowly pull away. Gotta love it.

I read somewhere that Smitty be eventually update his blog. Smitty has a blog?

Whatever they've been feeding Theriot? Don't change it.

I really, really wish we had Adam Dunn. I think that will be the one that got away for us. He's got no protection in that National line up -- and is still mashing the ball. Big 3 run bomb today. And 23 walks already. And not once did he get injured drawing a walk. Not once.

Well, I wish I had more, but I don't. I hope to leave on time and get home sometime tonight.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

What is up with this team?

Despite today's "salvaging" -- I am awfully disappointed about this team. Their overall construction is poor -- they are not as good as last year's team. The whole foundation on the team seems to me to be poorly thought out. As if "get me some lefties" was the only thing we had for an offseason battle cry; and everything else be damned.

I agree with Mike -- the chemistry of this team, at this point, is poor.

So far:

I don't think Fontenot can be an everyday major league baseball player.

I don't think Aaron Miles is any good at all.

Milkit Badly was a waste of money.

This offseason should have been ridiculously simple. 1.) Sign Adam Dunn and stick him in right field and bat him fourth. Every day. 2.) Win the division.

Instead we made a number of questionable moves -- Bradley, DeRosa, Wood, Vizcaino, Miles...

Oh, yeah...we could have signed Derek Lowe, too, when the Padres wouldn't take the farm for Jake Peavy.

I'm confused. Does whoever really owns this team WANT it to win?

Sherm

A potpourri of nothing

General observations (not to be confused with Cap'n Obvious!)

Derrek Lee: 50 at bats, 10 hits, 9 rbis

Micah Hoffpauir: 17 at bats, 6 hits, 5 rbis

Write your own punch line for that one -- I am starting to worry about Lee as 50 at bats is not so small a sampling anymore. He had a poor spring and is off to a poor start. Thoughts?

For more on sample sizes, see VFTB and get reamed for having an opinion. Well, not really reamed. More like nitpicked.

It is very nice to be 8 and 4 out of the gate. That's a good start, and it's been done mostly without Milkit Badly. Even when he's been there, he hasn't been there. He's what? 1 for 18 or some such nonsense.

Harden is looking good -- even in his loss, he had good stuff; just no command. His other two games have been terrific.

I told you in the spring that I thought Heilman had a great arm -- I think he's becoming the other "go to" guy in the pen. Lou seems to be developing trust in him. I like him better as a starter or long man with his array of pitches and movement, but as long as he gets it done. It's a long year -- he'll probably get to do it all at one time or another.

Kevin Gregg remind anyone else of Bobby Howry? Good fastball, but straight. I wouldn't throw him against the middle of the order hitters if I didn't have to. Let Marmol do that. Or even Heilman.

I am in the great state of Minnesota -- where I laugh at everyone I meet because of Al Franken. Finally. A state stupider than either Illinois or California! Ha.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Heckler

hey, I have my very own miserable little punk jagoff heckler on VFTB. Dave. Argumentative little liberal snot -- you should see his blog -- oh, good God. I threw up a little reading it.

Cubs are hanging in there nicely, despite Milkit's nonexistance and some injuried. Soriano, I'm happy to say, is looking good and that's a huge plus. Let us hope that he stays healthy.

I think as the weather warms, we'll see better starting pitching from the crew -- longer outings, anyway. We need another quality lefthander in the bullpen because that would make a total of one.

I've been working a lot; so hopefully blog absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you'll all continue to check this site and be patient. I should be back in full force as the season moves along...

More later. Or not.

js

My takes

I like being undefeated.

The man crush is back on Mike Fontenot and will stay as long as he hits .750

Fukudome should not bat second. He should bat not.

Soto gave himself up in an at bat. Moved Fontenot to third for Theriot to sac fly him in. THAT would not have happened last year. He must have picked that up in the WBC.

I predict a very solid outing from Dempster tonight. Seven innings. Five hits. One run.

The king of the solo homer strikes again. Why does anyone throw him strikes? I'm not complaining, just sayin'

What if the Yankees start 0 and 7? Fire sale?

Jake Peavy lost yesterday, so I don't want him anymore. I want Roy Halladay now. He's 1 - 0.

I think we should trade Carrie Marshrabbit to the Astros for Allyson Footer.

Derrek Lee is really 43 years old, isn't he? Warning track power in Houston? In left field? Come on, dude, work out or something. Big, tall damn Juan Pierre is all he is. Without the speed.

I'm done for now. Have to catch a flight.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Season Greeting

Thankfully, the season is here. Nice tune up in NY. 11 strikeouts and 14 men left on base. Lou still hasn't figured out the bullpen and Fukudome continues to play. What gives?

I didn't watch the Yankee game. I'm busy. I don't think I'll get to see the opener Monday, either. In fact, I might not get to watch a game all year. Did I mention I'm busy?

What with this and the other blog and all.

My prediction is this. We (meaning the Cubs) will struggle to win the division this year, but we will. The fight might help us play better in the playoffs. Who knows?

More later. Or not.

js

I am not dead

I think, therefore I am.

After reading Gordon the Sasquatch's incoherant rant this morning on the View (hey, wait, am I on the View? Which one am I, you ask? Elizabeth, of course.)

Where was I? Oh, yes...the grammatically incorrect and unspellchecked ramblings on the unshaven one. I decided that I needed to post a Shermrant.

First of all -- yes, I have been lying dormant. Why? I'll tell you. 1.) I hated the WBC and had very little to say about it other than that. 2.) Spring Training was way too long and it bored me. 3.) I've been busy and numbers 1 & 2 above didn't feed me any good ideas that I felt I needed to share -- so I posted on the View whatever I had, which wasn't much. Although I got some love for the Milkit Badly moniker, thanks.

I've been waiting for the season to start so that I can once again rant about our beloved Cubs. And I will.

Here's today's question. Ought I continue with an occassional post on the View every now and again? Or should I go Star Jones on their ass and leave?

Is it okay to type fuck on this blog? I can't remember.

Here's my problem with the View. I've tried REALLY REALLY hard to be nice. I'd LOVE to really engage some of these people and slam them for their opinions -- but that doesn't seem nice. And rule number 1 is to be nice. I hate nice. Should I break the rule? Stay and let them know how I really feel? What are the repercussions? I'll be fired? Banned? Slapped silly? Mocked?

So, have no fear -- I have not forgotten the rant, or the loyal rantees. Plus, I have a feeling that this year's team is going to piss me off early and often.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Chuckleheads

I can't take the Muskblog any longer. Our inane banter and underwhelming repartee actually improves the readability of the blog. Hard to believe that intentional idiocy brings up the level of intelligence of the blog. I don't even read her blogs. I look on the sidebar to see who has commented where and then I go to that one. Just for grins, we might have to declare a Muskatorium for one week. She'll wonder what went wrong. She was doing so well.

I'm watching Korea play Japan in the World Baseball TOURNAMENT. Boring. Good practice for the vendors in San Diego, though, to get used to serving those Padre sized crowds (1800 or so.)
This whole thing should take place after the season. It's absurd to hold it now.

I am seriously considering Shermgear. You'll see.

More later. Or not.

By the way -- yes...Adam Dunn made a couple of errors to hurt team USA. Note: he is leading the team by hitting .368 with 3 bombs and 9 rbi's. And they are in the semifinals.

Sherm

Coffee

I tried Smitty's coffee this morning for the first time and I have to admit that it was pretty good. I'm not sure about the post cup shaking, sweats, priaprism or flatulence...but I definitely want some more.

I drink a lot of coffee -- that's part of getting up at 3plus in the a.m. -- but I happen to like the drink. So...if you are into coffee, check with Smitty and he'll hook you up.

I will not read Reed Johnson's blog again. Too much "adoration" in the comments for nothing -- "oh, Reed, dude, love the beard, man!" We were trying to be inane morons and fell ridiculously short of the rest of the pack. I think we are personally responsible for the surgence in the Muskrat blog. I say surgence because resurgence implies that that something had previously happened. She now has commenters where before there were none. I may continue to read and comment there...it's still worth a chuckle. In fact, perhaps we should all re-register as "Chucklehead 1" and "Chucklehead 2" and so on. Just a thought. People might actually then say "I am going to Carrie Muskat's blog to see what the Chuckleheads have to say."

More later. Or not.

js

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

When does the season start again? I have never in my life been as bored with a preseason as this one. The WBT (World Baseball Tournament) doesn't help. Do they really need almost two months to get ready? They all have calendars. They could get ready in advance, right? ST should be two weeks. Three max.

I couldn't tell you who's any good in the NCAA tournament. Probably the same schools as every year. I just haven't paid attention. Same with the NBA. Who cares? I might watch the finals. Until then...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Three player comparisons to watch this year:

Sean Marshall vs Randy Johnson -- remember we could have had the unit as our fifth starter.

Milkit Badly vs Adam Dunn -- this should be interesting. Just games played should be interesting. Poor Dunn will be pitched around in that National lineup, though.

Aaron Miles vs Mark DeRosa -- almost doesn't seem fair, does it? What was Hendry thinking?

Hey, my "Icon" is up on the VFTB website. Thoughts?

js

Early to rise

Good morning, all...

I still keep the same hours -- just haven't felt that I've had anything worth saying. The Cubs are playing awful in spring training. Fundamentals are poor. Piniella is pissed. But "they have time." Kind of like the playoff attitude, isn't it?

Note: Mark DeRosa played left field and third base...and drove in four runs for team USA. Someone please tell me again why we traded him? Who are the three knuckleheads we got in return?

Even at 7:1 -- I wouldn't bet a dollar on this team to win the world series. I sure hope that Jiminy Crickets (is that the new owner?) and Hendry can make the necessary changes to improve this team. I don't have the faith that they will, however.

More later when there is something to add...

Positives: Heilman, Marshall, Theriot.

Negatives: Taguchi must go. Rivas, too. Miles has been awful so far.

js

Greetings from Las Vegas

In this economy, I still can't understand how these places can charge $84 for a steak...and have a waiting list to get in. Am I missing something?

I didn't go see the Cubs last night -- could have -- but had a dinner that conflicted with the game, and to be honest I am not a huge fan of exhibition baseball. I enjoy the hot stove stuff...when something is actually happening. ST is a necessary part of the game and I semi-follow win/loss information and who's doing what. I just find it hard to care until the real games begin.

Not a big fan of Vegas -- those of you who know me well know that I lived here a long time (high school here, college here, married here) but there isn't anything here for me anymore. I find it kind of cheesy and two days is my limit. Chuck E. Cheese for adults. That's what Las Vegas is.

Enjoying the Marsh Rabbit (muskrat) banter. Searching for inanity makes her blog tolerable. Wish I had time for more.

Gotta run. Vegas beckons.

js

Muskrat Blog

Just for fun, I decided to check out the Muskrat Blog. I had a spare minute, so why not, right?

She had not had a single comment in the last ten blog entries. If you blog and no one comments, does it make a sound? Just wondering. I didn't actually read them -- THAT would be impossible, but looked for comments. Found one, eleven entries back, but it was retarded.

So. I was thinking. Maybe we should all start commenting on her blog. Like crazy. Ask her oddball questions and stuff and see if she starts to respond. Stupid stuff like "Will Jeff Samardzija ever get to play outfield in a game?" Thoughts?

js

Oh, Dear God

Milton almost made it through one spring training game before getting injured.

What are the odds, other than pretty good?

js

New Opportunity?

I may have an opportunity to take this blog "larger" by contributing to another Cub blog. I am considering it. I could have put in a silly little vote box, but considered that "too Smitty."

Pros and Cons.

Pro -- more readers. Expands our world and hopefully means more commentary

Con -- less "personal wisecracking" like "too Smitty" because the bigger world has no idea who Smitty is.

Pro -- I'll be 1.14% more famous than I am now

Con -- Still not famous enough for my own "posse."

Pro -- I'll never have to work again

Con -- oh, yes, you will

Pro -- No, I won't

Con -- Yes, you will

Pro -- I'll be taken seriously as the dedicated and professional journalist that I really am; and undoubtedly get offered free tickets to all kinds of sporting events.

Con -- No, you won't.

Anyway, feel free to weigh in and let me know your thoughts.

Sherm
Reporting, as always, from the San Clemente press box

The World Baseball Classic

I hate it. There. I said it. I hate the World Baseball Classic. First of all...who the hell are they to declare their own event a classic? I find that arrogant and irritating.

I won't watch a minute of it -- for one, because I don't care and secondly, when I want to root for the US, I watch the Opympics. Or the Little League World Series. The World Baseball Classic is a useless, poorly timed series of baseball games. They interfere with spring training, and so help me...if Geo Soto gets injured doing it...someone is going to pay.

Carlos Marmol made the right decision. Not to go.

While I'm at it, the Cubs need a new beat writer. Muskat is awful. I know that I'm not the first blogger to mention it -- HJE does a fine job lampooning her -- but as tolerant as I am...and you all know how tolerant I am...I can't take it any longer. She should go cover the world baseball classic.

Maybe I will change the name of my blog to Sherm's Classic Blog. Or should it be Sherm's Blog Classic?

I just want games to start so that I can see Sam Fuld again, okay?

I am so sick of the offseason...

more later. Or not.

Sherm. Classic.

Introducing the 2009 Cubs

People who know that I am a Cub fan keep asking me..."So, how are your Cubbies going to be this year?"

The problem is that I don't know how to answer that question. Are we a better team than in 2008? I honestly don't know. It's hard to believe that we are better when you look at the additions and subtractions.

Dempster. We had him anyway. He might be as good as he was. He won't be better.

Gone are Wood and DeRosa.

Added are Bradley and So Taguchi.

Gone are Cedeno and Blanco.

Added are Gaithright and Bako.

We have Harden all year, but is he healthy?

Gone are Edmonds and Ward.

Miles is new.

No backup third baseman this year -- and ARam's history is that he can't play 150+ games.

Marmol and Samardzija should both be better this year...

Centerfield scares me. Johnson and Fukudome? Not exactly a great platoon.

So. How are the Cubbies going to be this year? As good as last year? Division winner?

I think that as this team stands...right this second -- they'll compete for the division and possibly win it -- but without some additions we won't go into playoff round 2. Again.

Player by position recap:

Soriano - LF -- bad defensive outfield. Will he be healthy? Can he run? How many K's?

Centerfield platoon -- Reedodome -- Johnson is an average outfielder, at best, who also at best, is fair. At his best, he's fair. Period. Fukudome? Until he shows different, he stinks. Sorry.

Bradley -- RF. No idea if this guy can play even 100 games. I hope so, but we will see. Who plays right if he can't? Hoffpauir? Bailodome? DeRosa. Oops. Sorry. Forgot that he's an Indian. At least we have three pitchers that will never see the inside of Wrigley.

Ramirez - 3b. He'll probably have a good year. Hope to God he doesn't get hurt.

Theriot. ss -- Can he steal more bases than he gets caught? Doubt it.

Fontemiles - 2b. Eh. I'd rather have Orlando Hudson for the contract he signed.

Lee 1b -- kind of an old 1b...doesn't have the power he used to.

Soto C -- No problem. Good catcher. Good hitter. Going to be depressed without Blanco.

Pitching. -- Decent staff. Some good starters. Good bullpen. No complaints at this time.

Bench. Eh. Gaithright, Miles, Hoffpauir. Whatever.

Are we better than last year? I don't know. I can't say yes, yet.

I think we are a piece or two away from a championship team...let's hope that the new ownership realizes that and makes some mid season moves.

When does the season start? This is one dull offseason.

js
Fontenot/Miles 2b -- eh.

Oh, no he didn't

Really say it --

"When you're that good of a cake," Boras says, "it takes little frosting." about Manny Ramirez? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Plus he said that Manny is the face of the franchise. What the fuck? The guy was a Dodger for a couple of months. He's the face of an asshole.

If I were the Dodger's, I wouldn't sign him just because of those comments. Face of the franchise? Come on. That's like saying that Garrett Olson was the face of the Cubs. They could spend that $25mil more wisely...

Face of the franchise? You gotta be kidding me. Boras needs to have his ass kicked.

Well, spring training is officially on. That's the good news. Still nothing to talk about. That's the bad news.

More later. After Boras declares Manny "like religion, only better."

JS

Blog Day at the Ballpark

But which ballpark?

How about we go someplace equally inconvenient for everyone? Here are some suggestions:

Atlanta -- that's inconvenient and relatively boring, too.

Houston -- You gotta love Enron Park.

Washington -- See Adam Dunn in person!

New Shea? -- Are they calling it New Shea?

I would consider Phoenix, too.

Actually, Denver is the most central, even if it is Barbra Streisand Stadium. Plus we could golf there. I can hit the ball about 400 yards in Denver.

Who's on the interleague schedule this year? Anybody worth seeing?

Note to loyal readers. Smitty mentioned that the Cubs are considering a move from Mesa to Tucson. In 2012. It's not that he "scooped" me, it's that I was waiting until, oh, I don't know, 2011 to worry about it.

Sherm

Reunion

Not Reunited, so back down on Peaches and Herb.

First of all, I think it's a brilliant idea to have Shermrants Day at the ballpark. Not to be overly nitpicky of Southsider's great idea, but...it can't be a First Annual Event. The first one is the inaugural event. Subsequent events can be second annual, third annual, and so on.

Second, I am compelled to answer the comment re: a SmittyBlog Day. And the answer is:

Smitty has a blog?

More later.

And yeah, I am overly picky. I know.

JS

Great big pile of nothing

I've got nothing. I've spent the last three days going from Twins to Brewers to Cubs and back to Brewers. (You can figure out the cities from the clues, Smitty.)

Plus, I've been sick, which always makes traveling in the miserable fucking cold that much more fun.

Nothing baseball related to report. Bud Selig might suspend A-Rod. Good luck with that. He might reinstate Hank Aaron as home run king. Good luck with that, too. While he's at it, why not reinstate Ty Cobb as hits leader? Better negate all of Roger Clemen's wins, too. Oops. That means the Yankees didn't win those games. That changes the standings. That means we have to play the last fifteen years all over again. Nothing counts. Time for computer generated baseball!

Well, it's 2am in OshKosh B'fuckme or wherever the hell I am tonight. More when something newsworthy, or funny, happens.

js

In a fog

Still in a fog -- partly from the big party this weekend and partly from being in Central Wisconsin and literally in the fog. No, Wisconsin is not the second honeymoon. That will take place later this year someplace slightly more exotic than Eau Claire.

Thanks for all the nice wishes on thirty...especially the ones for Mrs. Sherm. I don't know why she agreed to marry me the first time. Second time? Obviously she needs to be analyzed.

Anyway...so what's in the news? Bobby Abreu is an Angel. Big deal. Although for one year, 5mil...he might have been a nice addition to the Cub outfield. Too bad we are saddled with the Fukudome contract...

A-Rod. If I'm him, I'm pissed. I'm suing everyone in sight. Good for him for admitting it and apologizing and all that happy horseshit, but those tests were sealed and anonymous and he had an expectation that they'd stay that way. Plus...it may not have been legal then, but it wasn't ILLEGAL.

Agree with you guys -- Fehr and Selig must take the blame. Fehr for letting it happen. Oh, yes, he did. And Selig for padding his owner buddies pockets and looking the other way.

Why can't they just put an end to it? Here's the deal. Everyone gets tested. Regulary. Results are public. End of problem.

Regarding the records? I don't really give a shit. Our society is based on statistics -- we like them. So who cares? Call the steroid era the steroid era and be done with it. Baseball fans thrive on arguments over who was better anyway...let it go. Besides, we all know A-Rod isn't the only guy who tested positive.

No Cub news. Can't do anything with the ownership issue. Now that pissed me off. Finally in a position to really put together a championship club and the ownership thing holds it up.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

30 years

Not much of a baseball rant today -- it's the Sherm's 30th wedding anniversary and we are going to celebrate like it's 1999. We're going to the Pechanga Casino and Resort for the big Wine and Chocolate Festival -- because nobody does wine and chocolate like the Indians, I suppose.

Speaking of the Indians, I admit that the whole "land for beads" thing was one-sided and unfair. I also think the Mark DeRosa trade makes us even.

30 years is a long time. And that's thirty EACH. So today we party to remember the good times, drink to forget the bad ones, and get ready for the next thirty. She told me that the first thirty was just "probation" --

We are renewing our vows tomorrow. For two weeks, I thought they said "Vowels" and had been practicing a-e-i-o-u and sometimes y. Now they tell me it's not that. So I have to go write something nice. She says if I do comedy, it'll be a short marraige this time around...so I'd better be serious. Or not. We'll see.

Any of you in the San Clemente area tomorrow afternoon...feel free to drop by...but call first so I can get you on the list. And give you directions. Or email me if you don't have the phone number.

More on baseball later. No mention of either flotsam or jetsam in the vows, I promise.

Sherm

Reunited

Cliff Floyd just signed with the Padres. Dusty Baker was furious at Red's management for failing to secure the black ex-Cub, and promised to lock up Tom Goodwin, Matt Lawton, Doug Glanville, Tony Womack and Freddie Bynum as soon as possible, said Baker's personal assistant and valet, Neifi Perez.

Nevermind

Forget the Ben Sheets thing. Nevermind.

I see the Reds signed Jock Jones and Barrel Ward. Awww. How nice. Back together with Dusty Baker. Where are Peaches and Herb when you need them?

Here's my latest brainstorm. Since I will obviously be denied Adam Dunn's bat in our lineup...I have what I am now calling "THE ANSWER."

THE ANSWER:

Trade Alfonso Soriano to the Blue Jays for Roy Halladay. Then sign Manny to play left field. It's so fucking brilliant that you are all stunned, aren't you? Thought so. Let it sink in. It is THE ANSWER.

Even if you can't get Wah (that's how Roy is pronounced in Canada, right?) -- trade Alf for some other pitcher...there are teams that would do it. Really.

I have to confess. I did tell Smitty I'd call him back. I just didn't say when.

Baseball fans are smarter than fans of most other sports. Except maybe Chess, which I really don't think is a sport as much as it is a game. I would like to see Olympic Chess, though, played on a football field with tackling. And tickling. That'd be fun to watch. Better than the people who run around on the mat with the ribbon.

More tomorrow. Just had to report the Reunited thing.

JS

Sheets

Would you consider Ben Sheets on a one year deal with a club option? Anyone? Anyone? Healthy he's good...we know that. Just a thought. Only cost would be money since we don't have anyone left to trade to San Diego for Peavy. Just a thought. I'm still okay with Marshall as our number five...as long as Harden is good to go. If he's made of glass, that worries me.

Hey, it's almost time for Smitty's biannual blog update. Stay tuned.

I can't stand it anymore. When does the season start already?

Any of you attending any preseason games? If so, let me know...

Sherm

Trades galore

First, we trade Dick Bump to the O's for a BLT on wheat, hold the Hellmans.

Then, we trade little Vin Diesel to the A's for a couple of guys who wouldn't start at Fantasy Camp.

Which begs the question: why are we trading only with teams whose nicknames are letters? Vowels even? Nobody ever refers to the Yankees as the Y's or the Red Sox as the R's. Some people call the Mariners the M's. Why can't the Mets be the M's? Why isn't Toronto called the BJ's? Maybe they were when Dave Stewart was there. I don't know.

And, the more pressing question: why don't we ever trade with good teams? I'd think that good teams might have better players. Just a thought. Keep trading with shitty teams and you end up with shitty players. That's kind of why those teams are shitty to begin with isn't it? I mean, what GM wakes up and says "I hope to be a little more like the Orioles by the end of the day?"

I think Lou should step up and say "we don't need or want another starting pitcher. We have Sean Marshall and he's our guy. I'm giving him the ball every fifth day and he's going to win a lot of games this year." Marshall would be stoked. Then you do whatever you have to do to get Peavy, but it's a nice gesture.

Last year we wouldn't give up Hill or Pie for Roberts -- I'm not sure which one was the sticking point. Now Baltimore has both of them and Roberts. All we got in return was a discount coupon for HomeTown Buffet for Lou. Once again, we held on to "potential" for too long.

It sounds like camp was fun, although I can't imagine it without me there. If I ever go again, I'll blog the entire experience. It'll be fun. Think Randy offers a blogger discount? I'll do post game interviews and shit like that. I'll blog during games. I'll blog while running the bases. It'll be crazy.

I'm thinking of holding a blogger fantasy camp. Bunch of guys sit around and blog all day, then shower. It'll be fun. 3 grand gets you in. Bring your own computer.

Sherm

Congrats to Johnny Southsider

A champion in the group! Congratulations.

It's not as easy as you think to dominate a bunch of old geezers. I mean that.

I don't understand the Giants camp kicking the Cubs camp ass...what's up with that? Even so, an All Star team sounds kind of pissy and elitist for a fantasy camp.

Questions for you 09 campers:

Did Team Asskiss go over the top again? Are they still together?

Any mechanical arm injuries?

Ernie there? Santo? Sandberg? Dascenso?

What did Randy say about the "other" camp? It had to come up.

How was the new photographer?



Rich Hill O'beans is as good as gone. Off to Baltimore. We're getting nothing in return, which actually seems fair.

Everyone I talk to is high on Heilman. Live arm. Might end up as a good thing. We'll see.

I wish the season would start already.

js

Rich Hill

The guy we once wouldn't trade for Brian Roberts in now probably going to Baltimore for a PTBNL. Actually, that's not true. Lou screwed it up, as he isn't very astute with acronyms, and traded Hill for a PBJ. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sad, but true.

I say we should sign Manny and Adam Dunn. Put Soriano in right, Manny in left and Dunn at first. Trade Lee and Fukudome to the west coast. Maybe Seattle will give us Olson back.

I know. Defense bad. But...offense very, very good.

Think about it. We wouldn't need Peavy. Salzieder could go 17 and 5 with that offense.

My off season report card:

1. We didn't get enough for Mark DeRosa
2. We didn't get enough for Cedeno and Olson
3. We didn't get enough for Pie
4. We won't get enough for Hill

Other than that, we've done well, wouldn't you say?

Good luck at the big game tomorrow -- I was hoping to make a Mesa run, but won't be able to. Sorry, Doc. (Sounds like you might be playing the last inning?)

Pittsburgh over Arizona.

js

The Mayo Guy?

Aaron Hellman's?

Why in the world would you get rid of a lefty with at least a shred of potential for a righty without any? Ask any Met fan what this guy's worth and he'll spit on you.

Building a world series champ -- starts with Aaron Heilman and Paul Bako? What am I missing?

JS

Images

Ah, the lingering images from the melee...

Juan Pierre Raker slapping singles all over the infield

Barrister Dan limping along -- wondering how to sue Ralph for the Murnyak Strain. Or copyright it. Whichever.

Joel Smith showboating out in left field. Too bad Phil couldn't make it. (don't ask.)

Southsider tantalizing those old men with his off speed, and more off speed pitches.

What the fuck is an endodontist? And how can you hit a triple and end up on second base?

Wendell Kim.

Doc Rav with pom poms cheering you on...waiting for the real fantasy camp to start. How's that for an oxymoron? Real fantasy camp.

Sid Bugle (anagram for Bud Selig) eating dinner.

The images of a real good time.

Here's what we were not told. Who won? Assuming we heard Raker's batting average and not much else tells me that you went 1 and 3.

more later. or not.

Sherm

Slugging percentage?

Can you calculate slugging percentage when you only hit singles?

Apparently both Punch AND Judy showed up in Mesa this week and slapped little grounders all over the field. Wish I could have been there. I'm guessing not a lot of gold gloves were given out at the end of it all. Contrary to the Willie Keeler philosophy, this weekend's motto was "hit it where they ARE."

Shirley, I jest. It sounded like a lot of fun. I've even come up with a new name for it. Extreme Baseball. What do you think?

Fantasy Camp is now in full swing. Ravage and Pepitone are off drinking warm beer, and the trainers are busy taking care of the rash of injuries from the opening night banquet. Yes, I miss that, too.

I have little to say of baseball significance. Still no Peavy. Still no Dunn. Yankees just keep signing pitchers left and right. Big wheels keep on rollin.

js

New owner

Well...it does appear that the team has new ownership.

I understand that the guy is a huge fan...which could be good -- provided he knows about baseball. If he's a big fan and a baseball idiot...it could be painful. Time will tell.

Have to agree with Mojo about locking up Marmol and Soto long term. Good idea. Have to check with Merv Griffin on the other guy. Is he still alive?

So, to be fair and learn a little more about the new owner before I bash him, I figured I'd google him and get some info. Here's what I now know. Rickets is a softening of the bones caused by lack of vitamin D, calcium or phosphate. Also called Osteomalacia.

That was helpful.

Then I read between the lines. Vitamin "D". Get it. Defense. We will play good defense this year. And Vitamin D can come from the sun. So we'll be awesome in day games. It all makes sense now.

I'm here to educate you. Going the extra mile. It's what I'm all about. Who says this blog isn't educational?

Anyway. Swear this guy in, or whatever you do with a new owner, and let's get on with it. Bring me the arm of Jake Peavy. Bring me the bat of Adam Dunn. (I know, I know.)

Bring me a world series championship. If not for me, than for our fathers and grandfathers. And if not for them, than for me. Whatever. Just do it.

Good luck in Mesa -- those of you playing. Good luck in camp -- those of you going. If you can comment from there, please do so.

Remember: measure twice, cut once. Wait. Wrong adage. Try this one: stretch, you old men. Yes. That's it.

Sherm

Blanco in San Diego

I'm not done with Dunn -- as a topic -- but first let's talk about Hank White.

He signs with San Diego for $750,000. That's not a big contract for a very good backup catcher. And Geo Soto's pappy. I don't know how we let him get away. I'd heard it was because he was going to be a $3mil guy...but he's not. His deal is $750,000. Ravage could've signed him for help around the house at that number.

I'm confused. We wanted a left handed hitting catcher so badly that we are willing to have a bad one?

On to Dunn. Last time on the topic. Maybe.

Raker said something that I've given a great deal of thought. Okay, not really. I mean, come on. Raker said it. But anyway, consider -- Sign Adam Dunn and put him at first base. Still get that bat into the middle of our lineup. Sure we add some K's. We lose some DP's. We add homers and walks. We lose some defense. Trade Lee west. San Diego is not a fit. The California Los Angeles West Coast Pacific Time Zone Western Hemisphere Angels of Anaheim are. They lost Teixiera and could use a couple years of DLee to fill that gap. They surely would have something to give up...bullpen help? Bench strength? A bag full of old rally monkeys. Think about it.

I would also trade Fukudome to Seattle. He could play next to his buddy, Ichiro. Trade him for a new Nintendo Play Station. They're pretty cool and have some good games and features.

I have work to do...so that's it for now. I might add to this later. It's difficult writing a baseball blog when there is such little baseball news.

js

Dunn

I read today that Adam Dunn's price tag has dropped and the best he can expect is about $5mil a year. For that, I'd say sign him. Right now. We know he would like to be a Cub...and if he can be an affordable Cub -- just fucking do it. I know. I know -- what about Fukudome? I've thought of that. Trade him to that Asian massage parlor in Naperville for Miss Hapi N. Ding -- it's a fair trade. He'll make some businessman very happy, Joe.



I like our lineup with Soriano, Bradley, Lee, Dunn, Ramirez and Soto in it. Wedge Soriano between the two lefties and watch out.



Theriot

Fontenot

Bradley

Soriano

Dunn

Ramirez

Lee

Soto

Pitcher



You have to admit that's one powerful lineup. It's one Doc Raker after another.



You could bat Lee second and move Soto to seven and Fontenot to eight against certain pitchers.



Sure...it'll never happen, but it's fun to speculate.

Sherm


here's an added thought for the day: if we're getting all these players to send off to San Diego for Jake Peavy...why not just go get Ben Sheets and keep them? Peavy will be available later in the season...for a lot less, and a healthy Sheets is as good as it gets. Sign him to an incentive laden contract, perhaps?

Cubs Convention

I did not attend the Cubs Convention. I am not a fan of paying for autographs. I don't charge for mine, in case you were wondering.

I see that we have traded Felix Pie for Garrett Olson. This, on the surface, appears to be a good trade. Olson is young, left handed, and talented. Probably hit the big leagues a little too soon for the Orioles, but who did they have to pitch?

Might we be building players to trade for Jake Peavy? Perhaps. If so, though, it is kind of peculiar to me that we just didn't enter the free agency market and get another pitcher. For this year, anyway, Lowe would have been just fine. This players that we are beginning to stockpile for the supposed Peavy trade are starting to look pretty flippin good for a AAA team...which means good Cub teams for the next decade.

It is a shame to see Pie go after all the hype, but he's never done a thing at the major league level. Maybe 600 at bats in Baltimore will help him. Or maybe he'll whiff 300 times. I don't know. I just know that if his name were pronounced like the dessert "pie" rather than pee-ay, I'd have liked him better. Pee-ay is just downright silly.

Think of the other words that could affect...if he's right about the pronunciation.

"Honey, which "tee-ay" goes better with this shirt?"

"Fee "fee-ay" fo fum..."

"Don't you "lee-ay" to me"

"The Cardinals and Steelers will "vee-ay" for the Championship"

See how ridiculous that is? I bel-ee-ya-ve words should be pronounced correctly, even names.

Think the Cards will trade Rick Ank-ee-ya-l? More I type it, more it starts to sound like a hee haw in my mind. Better stop or this could quickly get out of hand.

Olson could be that bullpen swing man we need from the left side -- allowing Marshall to fill that number five starter role.

Why doesn't anyone think that Dempster can repeat his 2008? Other than Hendry, I mean, who gave him lots of money? There is no reason to think he won't be just as good. If Harden is healthy, this is a mean staff -- with or without Jake Peavy. Once we have all the pee-ya-ces that San Diego wants for Peavy? I'd be less interested to trade with them. Hold out...and make them give in a little.

Later, all...

Have a great week. More later.

JS

Baseball Blog Blahs

Sorry. I haven't had much to say lately, but the baseball world has been fairly dull and I am tired of all the speculation that never comes true. Wish we'd get a new owner already; that's not helping us this off season. Of course, it's the Cubs...ergo, always something.

I could type more about the HOF, but I think Doc nailed it with the Morgan Line line (line line -- that's funny. Line squared.)

We could discuss how cold it is in Chicago, but who gives a shit? It's not cold in southern California and that's all that really matters.

I read that the Cubs are considering Randy Wolf. I think we already have Randy Wolf and his name is Sean Marshall.

Paul Bako for backup catcher? Really? Jeez. That's a step backwards. Especially when Blanco was kind of like Soto's grandpappy. What's he going to learn from Bako? I mean, sure, Bako was good in Usual Suspects, but what's he got left for the Cubs? Not much, I suppose.

All in all...I really wish the season would start.

Not really into football blogging, but that was pretty funny -- San Diego getting only one offensive play in the third quarter vs Pittsburgh.

I think Utah and USC should play for the right to play Florida. Oh, wait. That would be like a playoff. Nevermind.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Special edition

Midday post:

Note to the entire baseball world -- Andre' Dawson was EASILY as good as Jim Rice, and in my opinion, BETTER. Certainly a better all around ballplayer. Better defense. Better arm. Would have played even longer and hit even more homers had he been in Boston all those years instead of Olympic stadium.

Once again the jagoffs who vote on this stuff screwed the pooch.

I'm boycotting the Baseball Hall of Fame.

I do, however, propose the Blogging Hall of Fame. I'm in. Smitty's not.

Sherm


by the way -- what the hell is a snowblower? It's 80 here today and I've got the AC on.

Hall of Fame, BCS, etc.

Don't care about any of it right now. Agree with Mojohowitz and Ravitsky-- HOF is diluted and voting is tainted by sportswriters who think, like all journalists, that they for some reason are closer to God than the rest of us.

BCS. Couldn't care less. Shitty championship game if in fact that's what it was. Utah and USC deserve to play to decide who's number 1. Or just give it to Utah. At least they don't have to defend a loss. And they did spank Alabama.

I love the Smoltz signing by the Red Sox. They've quietly and for a half billion or so less dollars, matched the Yankees off season moves. Okay, not exactly matched, but they've done well -- Kotsay, Baldelli, Smoltz for practically nothing added on to an already very good team. They haven't really lost anything from last year. (Unlike our Cubs, who had to subtract to add, unfortunately.)

I'd still sign Adam Dunn if I'm Jim Hendry. I've said it before and I will say it again. Damn the defense. I love a lineup with Soriano, Bradley, Dunn, Lee, Ramirez and Soto in it. Plus the little guys. Wow. Replace Dunn with Fukudome or Gathright and it just doesn't seem as imposing, does it?

Add Dunn and Peavy and we'll win 100+ games and the World Series. You read it here first.

That's all for now. I have work to do. Not middle of the night, life saving, heroic stuff, mind you, but whatever.

Sherm

Bert Blyleven

No HOF for Bert. If you induct Bert, you also have to induct Jerry Reuss. And Dennis Martinez. And a host of other guys who pitched twenty years and had decent numbers. Decent numbers should not qualify you for the hall. Longevity alone should not, either. Decent plus longevity? No.

For that reason, no to Mark Grace. He was never great. The Hall of Fame should be reserved for greatness. That's the friggin' point of HAVING a hall of FAME. It's not the hall of mediocrity. It's not the hall of pretty darn goodness. It's not the hall of above average. It's the Hall of Fame. Then again, by definition, fame implies celebrity -- so why shouldn't everyone be in it. If we know them and watch them on television...that means they are FAMOUS, right? Ah...semantics. Change it to the Hall of Greatness and vote accordingly. I don't give a shit if no one else ever gets in. Earn it or don't.

Maddux is in. Smoltz will be, too. Grace? No. Dawson should be. Actually, I'd vote in Dennis Martinez before Blyleven. Martinez may have had the best curve I have ever seen. And he won a lot of games on very shitty Expo teams in his time. Emphasis on very.

Do you vote in Ricki Henderson on the first ballot? (I spelled it like that to piss him off in case he reads this. I assume he googles his name daily.) I think he has to get in. Numbers dictate it. First ballot. Like it or not. If not, it's obviously personal and that skews the entire process. Here's a novel idea -- take the voting away from the sports writers. How's this? Players with ten years in the majors get a vote. That's it. Period. You can only vote for players that played during your time in the league so that your personal knowledge is the vote base. If only most of them weren't such morons, it could work.

Let the sportswriters do the old timer voting. Take that AWAY from Joe Morgan and his segregation committee. I can imagine THEM sitting around -- "Hey guys, if we NEVER let anyone else in? It makes US look even greater than we were...if such a thing can be possible!"

As far as the posthumous HOF awards? I recommend seances and letting the old players vote. Or the use of a OUIJA board.

Speaking of OUIJA board...now THERE'S a nickname for Billy Cribbage. Weeja. Weeja. I can hear the chants now.

The Peavy conversation is obviously back on because everyone says it isn't. God, I'd love to play poker with these guys.

How's this for a clever four team deal? We trade all the young arms to San Diego for Peavy. We through in Vizcaino, too. We then trade Peavy to Cleveland for Wood and DeRosa. We package Miles and Bradley and send them to Colorado for Marquis. Cleveland sends Peavy to San Diego to get the three arms back. Colorado sends Bradley to San Diego for Vizcaino. Just a thought.

If you induct Blyleven? You have to vote in David Wells, too. Look at the numbers.

Sherm

The well is dry

I've run dry on the Uno Parcheesi topic. Sorry, I like that one. For now.

Don't want to talk about the DeRosa trade.

Marquis is gone. Fine.

I really don't care about Felix Gathright.

Our middle infield is now composed of the Gaedel triplets. Great.

The rotation is the same. The bullpen, I think, is slightly worse.

We'll be very sorry to have let Ceda go so cheap. Clip and save.

Ownership is up in the air and that's holding up bigger deals. Or not.

I've got nothing. I don't care about the Cub Convention. I'm not going to Randy Hundley's camp, nor will I be attending the Mockery in Mesa, or whatever it's called.

I'm tired of reading about Mark Teixiera. He signed already. Let it go.

I got an iPod for Christmas. I think I'll try to find my top 1000 songs of all time. Feel free to send your recommendations. Madonna and rap not accepted.

More later. Not really.

Sherm

Brad Milton

I've spent time, now, trying not to think about the Cubs' newest acquisition. It didn't work. Is he the right guy? Is he the player to be named later? I've decided against Milton Bradley for obvious reasons. The name, I mean. I'll give the player a chance to prove himself. What other choice do I have? I'll not type his "real" name again.

So. What to call him? We've exhausted the usual monikers. Marvin Hasbro has been my favorite so far. Boardgame is old. Let's look at a few new ones and decide what he shall be named.

1. "Trainer Me" Elmo
2. Hangman Lego
3. Skat Canasta
4. Trivial Injury Pursuit
5. Hungry Hungry Hendry (I know it doesn't apply to this guy, but I think it's funny)
6. Billy Cribbage
7. Uno Parcheesi
8. Rook Twister
9. Sorry Life
10. Boggle Junior
11. Leroy Yahtzee
12. Noh Clue

Pick one. I don't care.

Personally, I think we just should have taught Mark DeRosa to bat left handed. He was a good guy. He'd have done it. He did everything else the team asked.

The Marquis deal is just about done. We lose an eleven game winner who ate innings like Sabathia eats housepets. Replacement arm? Marshall. Could be. I'm okay with that as long as he pitches well and wins games. If he doesn't, than I'm against it. How's that? Hurts my crack sitting on this fence.

I'd still like to see Jake Peavy on the team. He'd be a long term Cub -- and give us a great rotation for some time.

I'd still like to see Adam Dunn in right field. I've said it before. Damn the defense. Pitch around it. Put Skat Canasta in CF and Dunn in RF. Trade Pie and Fukudome to ACE Hardware for some spackle.

I want a great pitching staff AND a team that can outscore opponents with regularity. Why can't we have both for a change? I want to see shutouts while we pound people into submission. Is that too much to ask? I want the rest of the national league going to the commissioner's office with a petition for the mercy rule. Is that wrong? I want to see outfielders pitching against in the seventh, eighth and ninth inning -- every week. I want broom sales to skyrocket in every city in which we play...

Sing with me, people!

I don't know what that meant, it just typed itself. Sometimes, I'm just channeling, folks.

Oh, I thought of another name. Hannah Barbera. Thoughts?

I'll need to see him play defense before I know if he's a JCM or not.

Is it true that Hendry said after the signing "He'll be a perfect DH for us. Oh, wait, we're a national league team. Doh!" And then he choked Bart.

More later. Or not.

One question. Smitty has a blog?

Sherm


BUT WAIT!!! THERE'S MORE!!! THIS JUST IN!!!

As part of the deal for Billy Cribbage, the Cubs ALSO get the rights for several of the Monopoly pieces, including the hat and the shoe! They are negotiating for the iron as we speak. The guy with the monocle (aka Ralph) is also part of the deal, and will act as Boggle Junior's clubhouse valet. Big news, folks, big news!!!

Mark DeRosa

Is still an Indian.

I dearly wish that I had something to report this morning. I've been searching for something positive...but have found nothing both Cub related and positive to say. As my mother always taught me -- "If you don't have anything nice to say, say it in print." Or something like that. She babbled a lot and I didn't really listen.

Ryan Dempster has come out in favor of signing Training Room Elmo. And TRE's former manager, Ron Washington, says it's not that he "doesn't care" -- it's that "he cares too much." Oh. Okay. That makes me feel better. At least we'll know that when he's sitting out, he still cares. A lot.

I wonder what the collective IQ of the team is now -- without Ivy Leaguer Mark DeRosa to bring it up? High double digits? Less if you include the coaching staff.

Mike Fontenot had been missing for three days. They found him, fortunately, in Alan Trammel's face. Apparently, he'd been spelunking. Lou Piniella was busy at Hometown Buffet, and was unable to comment.

Before I go -- why do people point their keys at their car when they are locking and unlocking it? So the keys can see which car they mean? Morons.

More later. Or not.

Sherm

Breaking News

Jim Hendry was taken to a hospital today when he wakened from his afternoon nap screaming "oh my God, oh my God, what have I done? What have I done? DeRosa's gone. He's really gone! What have I done?"

He was given antidepressants and other medications and remains sedated.

Lou Piniella was enjoying both parts of a buy one, get the second entree at half price at Carrows and would not comment.

In an unrelated story, Milton Bradley was injured today while reading the paper. Bradley is expected to be ready by spring training, but will need to take it slow for the first month or two of the new season.

Various thoughts and miscellaneous comments

First of all, Smitty...I'm never far, but thanks for asking.

Rather than start adding comments to previous entries, I'll do a mishmash today and try to get to everything under one post.

1. Hockey. Okay, here' s what bothers me most about the hockey game at Wrigley. The Blackhawks scored more than the Cubs did in either their last two games of the year there. I did not watch any of the game because I remembered at the time that it was hockey.

2. Aaron Miles. Southsider makes a strong point. The guy was hitting in front of the Mighty Albert. In Chicago, he'll hit in front of Dlee and perhaps set the world record for most outs on the front end of a double play. Or maybe he'll just be a sub, now that DeRosa is gone. Or maybe he won't play at all, and Jim Hendry is just stockpiling cute, little cajun guys 'cuz he kinda likes them.

3. Mark DeRosa. Initially, I was against trading DeRosa. Now, after a few days of thinking about it? I am against trading DeRosa. Good guy. Was just reading that he is considered one of the best (smartest) baserunners in baseball. Here's the biggest question I have about trading him: Who is going to back up Ramirez at third? Miles? Cedeno? Kevin Orie? We lose a lot more than a second baseman with this guy -- and I hear that all three pitchers are "good" but that none are considered to be an "A" prospect. What does that mean? They all will eventually pitch in the bigs. But not well. Great. Maybe we can flip them for a backup third baseman. Oh, wait.

3a. DeRosa part 2. I'd have rather had DeRosa in RF all year than Marvin Hasbro. Kenny Mattel. Whatever. Better guy. Smarter. More durable. More than that, though, I'd prefer to have DeRosa at 2b and Adam Dunn in right field. Damn the defense.

3b. Part of this whole thing is Jim Hendry's belief that Mike Fontenot is going to be the second baseman of the future for the Cubs. See cute little cajun guy comment above. I'd rather have Brian Roberts now...for a number of reasons, including leadoff bat.

3c. It's hard for me to fathom this comment, but I fear it is true. We are now WORSE than we were when 2008 ended. Period. Essentially we've gained Kevin Gregg and Aaron Miles. No big deal. We've lost Kerry Wood and Mark DeRosa. Two great clubhouse guys. A closer who was getting better each year for a set up man who is getting older and worse, and a mini sub for the league's most versatile player and the Cubs '08 MVP. Plus, we lose 20 homers, 90 rbi's and teams best (or one of the best) on base % guys in DeRosa.

3c1 -- oh wait! We also added Joey Gathright to replace Jim Edmonds. So we lost ANOTHER 19 home runs and the accompanying rbi's. If Gathright plays everyday and gets 600 at bats? He might hit 2 out. Maybe. So we are down at least 40 homers...(more if you count Jason Marquis --who was always good for a couple) which brings us to...

4. Sorry Candyland! Our new right fielder? At 3 years/$30m? Good for him. Glad we cleared salary for that. Guy played 120 games last year (100 as a dh) and hit 22 homers. Um, Jim...that's still way short of the 40 we lost. (Note to everyone who's been on Mars -- Adam Dunn hits about 40 a year) And Candyland can't play everyday. He gets owies.

I have to say that I am grossly disappointed in this offseason. I realize that it isn't over...but if this is the team going into next season...I'm gonna be pissed off. We didn't address a single real NEED, and we lost some strengths. We won 97 games last year and have overreacted because of a lousy three playoff games. Plus, the ownership situation doesn't help...but you know what? It's always SOMETHING because these are the fucking Cubs and that's the way it is. Watch. Someone else will get Roberts -- I'm hearing it'll be the White Sox, and someone else will get Peavy. We'll have a good year, because we have a "good" team...but it's not a great team -- not by a long shot and it has no chance, as it stands, to be a postseason winner.

What number was I on? Oh, yeah. 5. Mesa. I don't know if I can make it to Mesa for the Melee. Not that I don't love a good melee, mind you. I will know more this week.

I'm pissed about the Bradley/DeRosa thing. I'd like to rant and rant and rant, but since we are quoting Gilda Radner characters...as Emily Littela would say...nevermind.

Sherm