Yes, indeed, it is time for the First Annual SHERMIE Awards!
Let's jump right in to this year's awards!
> The "Hop to it" Shermie: goes to Alfonso "Hoppity Hooper" Soriano. This award was formerly known as "The Varsho" and before that, "The Moreland."
> The "Guy who kept us from winning 100 games this year" Shermie: Goes to Jair Jurrjens of the Atlanta Braves. Honorable mention for this award goes to Jeff Bennett. Okay, I'll explain. Jurrjens was supposed to pitch against the Cubs the next day and walking out of Wrigley field after a game, twists his ankle on some steps in the clubhouse. Can't start. Bennett does, and promptly nails Soriano in the hand, costing us our 100 game season. Go with it.
> The "Bucket List" Shermie: goes to Kosuke Fukudome. Only guy I've ever seen run into the first base coach. During his swing.
> The "Johnny Cash" Shermie: goes to Ryan Dempster, the game one playoff starter. Why? He "walked the line(up)"
> The "Granny" Shermie: to Carlos Zambrano who went to see his dead grandmother and pretty much blew for the balance of the year. Throws a no hitter, visits granny, stinks. In that order.
> The "Yips" Shermie: To the entire Cub infield for their endearing postseason play
> The "Hoffy" Shermie: To the best hitter we have who didn't make the (offensively anemic) postseason roster.
> The "Unused" Shermie: It's a tie. One goes to Reed Johnson who did nothing except spark the team and help us win all year -- and who didn't see the field in the playoffs. Maybe Lou was saving him for the Phillies? And the other goes to Ted Lilly, the only pitcher with 16 wins in the playoffs who didn't even warm up.
> The "AL Manager of the Year" Shermie: to Jim Leyland, who took that Tiger team and monster payroll and parlayed it into 74 wins and a finish BEHIND Kansas City. The Royals, for those of you who didn't remember that they had a baseball team.
> The "NL Manager of the Year" Shermie: As much as I'd love to stick a Shermie to Dusty Baker for ruining the Reds...it goes to Bud Black and his 99 loss Padres. Someone please save Jake Peavy. Could it be the Prior factor?
> The "fat" Shermie: Tie between CC and Cecil.
> The "Blackwell" Shermie, in honor of the recently departed, Mr. Blackwell: goes to Greg Gagne for wearing Cecil's uniform.
> The "Separated at birth" Shermie: to Kevin Youkilis for resembling our own Doc Ravage.
> The "Bad Taste" Shermie: to ARod. Is he really seeing Madonna? Yuk. That's just nasty.
> The "Around the World" Shermie" aka the combined distance of the balls hit off of him: Bobby Howry. Gave up thirteen homers. So did Brandon Webb. In three times the innings. Cliff Lee allowed 12 in 30 starts.
> The "Hamburger Helper" Shermie: to Derrek Lee for worst use of ground round.
> The "Best Debut game that turned to Shit" to Kosuke Fukudome for having one good game and fooling us into thinking he could play big boy baseball in America. He seems very surprised by live pitching. What did he play in Japan? T-ball?
> The "Without a Trace" Shermie: goes to Aramis Ramirez and Alfonso Soriano for their disappearing act in the playoffs. Someone call Anthony LaPaglia.
Finally, we have just "The SHERMIE" --
To Andruw Jones. 36 mil, two year contract. Guy bats .158 with 3 homers and 14 rbi's. Lost his stranglehold on the fourth outfielder slot when they got Manny. Just for perspective -- Carlos DelGado pretty much had a better season on JUNE 27th -- when he hit two homers and had nine rbi's.
What's that? You want more? Oh, okay.
The "Regular Update" Shermie: goes to Phil Smith for his diligence at keeping his website up to date. I think his last post mentions the acquisition of Jim Edmonds.
The "Something to strive for" Shermie: goes to the hirejimessian.com website which keeps me trying to increase my readership to maybe, I don't know, five or six people?
The "I can only dream" Shermie: to Mark Cuban for next year's $220M payroll and a world series championship!
More later. Or not.
best to cb
Thanks for tuning in. Without your comments, it's all in my head.
Sherm
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5 comments:
How do Fontenot and Edmonds not get Shermies? Surely there can be some type of terrier fucker Shermie...and a mullet on a shrimp Shermie...I think Alf's agent deserves one as well, for continuing this leadoff hitter bullshit. It's your list....and quite good...just saying you might have missed some key recipients. I look forward to next years live television broadcast on WGN....or Comcast...
Can't give everyone a Shermie. It dilutes the value of the award. If Fontenot and Edmonds were to receive a Shermie, however, it would be for time that Gerald Perry had to hose them down to separate them.Said Edmonds later "hey, with that haircut, I thought he was an afghan."
I proudly accept my Shermie.
You like me...U really like me.
I'm touched....
That is just Shermrific.
I need to get a tissue.
Sorry I missed this the first time around.
I also accept my shermie, with some humility.
A little harsh on on z for a family loss, otherwise, well aimed.
I was placing a bunch of autographed balls in cases over the weekend. Mostly brand new pristine balls. except one. this one looked like it had been whacked all over the yard before autographing. Signed by Bob Howry (no shit).
I got an email from Jody Davis this morning asking about campers. I'm back. How about Sherm?
Outstanding. How about "Blackout Shermie" Derrick Lee- Biggest loss of power. Nice with Howry, maybe the "Shermie Cookie" for serving so many up. The "Shermie Alsheimers" to big Lou for forgetting about Reed Johnson.
Fine work.
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